The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015. Remaining movies: 291 Days to go: 279
Movie #86: Die Hard 2
I used to really like Die Hard 2. I thought it was a fun and satisfying follow-up to the original. That is, until I read this piece by Chris Klimek, lovingly eviscerating it. Now, I can’t watch this movie at all without relentlessly mocking it.
I mean, the entire premise of the movie is based on the idea that there is nowhere to land a plane within 90 minutes of Dulles. Considering a jet can cover 100+ miles in about 15-20 minutes (considering the length of a Columbus-to-Cincinnati commuter flight), that means Die Hard 2 expects its audience to swallow that there are no reasonable landing options within 400-600 miles of Washington, DC. Nevermind that Baltimore is only 58 miles away, or that freaking New York City is less than 300 miles away, or that even Columbus, Ohio is less than 400 miles away. So if you took a map and a compass (one used in math, for drawing circles), put the point of the compass on Washington, DC and the pencil point on Columbus, OH, and then drew a circle all the way around at that exact radius, you would encircle the entire area a plane could possibly cover in the 90 minutes between not being able to land at Dulles and crashing from fuel loss. I couldn’t tell you exactly how many airports there are in that space that would cover everywhere from Charlotte to Columbus to Buffalo and nearly to Boston, but I’m guessing dozens upon dozens upon dozens. So, yeah, my suspension of disbelief is kind of lost on this one.
However, I still like it more than I like any of the newer ones (Live Free or Die Hard and A Good Day to Die Hard). For one, it still features Bonnie Bedelia being a badass, tasing the shit out of stupid William Atherton, who’s making a nuisance of himself again. There’s even a cameo of good old Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson ) trading quips with our beloved (if overstepping his bounds-y) John McClane (Bruce Willis). And never underestimate the attractiveness of Officer McClane to airport personnel. (Just the fax, ma’am.) This one also features the new faces of actor/politician Fred Thompson as Trudeau, the head of the airport maybe? Plus Dennis Franz pre-Sipowicz as airport security Capt. Carmine Lorenzo. And John Amos is an Army Special Forces major who never once tricked me into believing he was a good guy once I saw him putting blue bullets into his machine gun.
The villains in this one are weird, though, in that all they want to do is fight communism? I don’t know. It was 1990 so maybe there were people who still thought communism was a threat. But I prefer a villain who just wants money and has no moral compass or political agenda, like Die Hard villains are supposed to be.
In the end, though, McClane triumphs with a hugely cool explosion and another “Yippy-ki-yay, Motherfucker,” and the cutthroat lady journalist’s heart grew three sizes that day. Merry Christmas!
Viable Option 