Michael Ian Black: National Treasure

If you’re not aware of Michael Ian Black, then obviously you’re a troglodyte with no real appreciation of American Culture and Comedy.

Ever since his birth back in 1971, and even a few years before, Black has been revolutionizing the cultural landscape of this country. Having lived and worked in every time zone of the continental U.S., as well as some others, probably, he’s firmly established himself as an accurate representative of all Americans of all backgrounds, races, religions, sexual orientations and genders. He is, literally, an Everyman.

In the entertainment industry, he has over 100 credits to his name as either an actor, writer, producer, director or appearing as himself, which we all know is basically the most anyone has ever had or ever will have. He was the star of the NBC show Ed, despite Tom Cavanagh playing the title character, and years later gave Cavanagh another break by inviting him to co-host Black’s podcast, Mike and Tom Eat Snacks (MATES). Black starred in many other shows and movies as well, such as VH1’s I Love The … series, Wet Hot American Summer, Trust Me I’m a Game Show Host, and Duck Quacks Don’t Echo, where he was almost always The Smartest Guy in the Room. He even won over $100,000 for charity playing Celebrity Poker Showdown, proving Black is a great philanthropist.

These days you can catch Michael Ian Black working as a cultural touchstone and educator, writing books for young and old alike, exploring the world of philosophy and intellectualism with long-time hanger-on Michael Showalter in the podcast TOPICS, and on Twitter, where he edifies his millions of followers by showcasing the life of an iconic celebrity, from what it’s like to fly first class, to the lavish VIP meals he’s treated to, to how it feels to walk the streets of London, where the paparazzi are respectful of his celebrity status and leave him alone.

Indeed, Michael Ian Black is a national treasure. We owe him a debt of gratitude for gracing us with his presence all this time, and for the promise of a utopian future once he finally does take over the world.

(This piece is obviously totally serious and in no way should be taken as a joke.)

In Defense of 21

So maybe you’ve heard about this?

That’s Miley Cyrus performing at MTV’s Video Music Awards on Sunday. It’s been mentioned just about everywhere people have eyes that roll and jaws that drop. You also might’ve heard about it if you tend to frequent places where brows furrow and tongues wag. Places like Planet Earth, for example.

Suffice it to say that the majority of the conversation hasn’t been very supportive of Cyrus, as if that’s a surprise. Older generations love to lambast younger ones for their wild ways and lack of culture, tearing apart someone’s hair and fashion choices is a national pastime and the entire human race has been villifying sexually suggestive women since before the Dance of the Seven Veils. These reactions are just more of the same.

The thing is, though, Miley Cyrus is 21. Do you remember 21?

I do.

I turned 21 in 1996, so I was all about my plaid flannels and babydoll dresses with combat boots. I dyed my hair, I drank too much, I partied all night. I stretched my limits and pushed my boundaries. I made mistakes, sure, but not everything I did was one, nor were my mistakes limited to that particular sliver of time. I was just trying out life, seeing what it had to offer me. Most of all, though, I was having fun. I was carefree. That’s what Miley looks like to me in this video. She’s at a party, she’s having a good time goofing around. She’s the center of attention, as is the wont of all natural-born performers. She’s being a little bit rebellious, a little bit shocking, a little exciting. In one way or another, she’s exactly the same as the rest of us were at her age except we got to do our acting out in relative privacy and she’s featured in no less than a dozen Buzzfeed lists just for this one thing. If there was such a thing as Buzzfeed or TMZ or, hell, even YouTube, camera phones and instant uploads when I came of age, I would still be trying to live down some of my antics, such as:

• Hosted a costume party dressed as a “dominatrix,” spent all night drunk beyond belief and wearing lingerie.
• Gave an impassioned karaoke performance of Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know,” (because 1996) complete with sing-shouting and all the emotions of my soul.
• On more than one occasion bought under $1 worth of gas because I’d been out all night partying and had no other money left on me, but my gas tank was on fumes and I was still a few miles from home.
• Was frequently heard loudly saying to a friend, “Silly Cassie, tricks are for whores.”
• Was super loud and obnoxious pretty much everywhere I went, particularly if there was vodka and/or music involved (despite never being an international superstar whose job it was to perform a song about coming into your own on a worldwide stage known for pushing limits).

So maybe cut Miley Cyrus a little bit of slack? I’m sure you have a list of events not unlike my own that you’re grateful the Internet never got photographic proof of.

 

/jessica