MY MOVIE SHELF: Johnny Dangerously

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 220  Days to go: 220

Movie #157:  Johnny Dangerously

Swear to God, if you haven’t seen Johnny Dangerously, just what, exactly, are you doing with your life? Once again, Amy Heckerling proves herself a skilled comedy director and gets almost no credit or cachet out of it. Why isn’t she given more projects? I mean, Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Clueless are considered iconic films of their generations. And while Johnny Dangerously isn’t that, it is the single-best film ever made entirely out of puns and silly gags.

Fun fact: Marilu Henner (Lil Sheridan) still knows all the words and choreography to “Dangerously.”

Michael Keaton plays the lead, a good Irish kid named Johnny Kelly who gets caught up in a life of crime with the Jocko Dundee (Peter Boyle) gang in order to pay for his mother’s mounting medical bills. Ma Kelly (Maureen Stapleton) is an older-than-she-looks 29-year-old, living the hard life of an immigrant widow (her husband Killer Kelly having gotten the electric chair some years before). She’s constantly in need of surgeries to locate her thyroid or unblock her salivary glands, and Johnny will do anything to pay for them. He also adores his kid brother Tommy (Griffin Dunne) and pays for his way through law school, only to find out his brother wants to be District Attorney and fight crime.

Fun fact: Marilu Henner remembers the names and faces of every single person she met making this film in 1984.

There are so many silly little things in this movie, it’s almost impossible to highlight all the ones I love. Tommy’s desperate need to hump his brains out with Sally (Glynnis O’Connor), is a good one, mostly for his mother’s “ba-BOOM ba-BOOM ba-BOOM” and Johnny’s informational film, “Your Testicles and You.” Then there’s the game show presentation by D.A. Burr (Danny DeVito), tempting Tommy to Play Ball, followed by the speeding up of the song on the radio as Tommy’s car brakes fail, followed by Johnny getting invited by Burr to two weeks in Puerto Rico before the newspaper headline “D.A. Burr Dies in Commercial.” Then, of course, there’s gangster bad boy Danny Vermin (Joe Piscopo) who carries an 88 Magnum, has it out for the Kelly boys and whose father hung him on a hook once. Once! But far and away the best is Richard Dimitri as gangland nemesis Roman Moronie, a fargin icehole corksoaking bastidge if ever there was one.

Fun fact: Marilu Henner can tell you exactly how many takes it took for Johnny to stick a business card in her boob pocket or for Danny to drop her from his lap.

There’s so much more, though. Jocko thinking his “dork” has been blown off, Ma Kelly thinking of taking up smoking and the ashtray present that clinches it, Polly the parrot wearing jailhouse stripes as he passes a message along the grapevine to Johnny, and oh, the shelf paper! It’s just filled to the brim and overflowing with jokes.

Fun fact: Marilu Henner can still give the exact details of the fit and feel of every costume she wore for the film, including fly fisherman and nun disguises.

 

A really smart joke is a great thing (something I love, in fact), but to make a super funny movie, the best plan of action is to make the most jokes. The more jokes you can cram into something, the funnier it’s going to be. Some will land better than others, some will be dumber than others, but by giving your audience no chance to breathe from one joke to the next is the absolute best way to keep them laughing. And that’s something Johnny Dangerously is great at. Plus, it has a moral: “Crime doesn’t pay. Well, it pays a little.”

Fun fact: Marilu Henner still knows precisely how Michael Keaton kisses.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Clueless

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 305  Days to go: 294

Movie #68: Clueless

Oh, Clueless, love of my life. This movie is so much a part of me, I’m not entirely sure anymore whether it reflected back to me who I was or if I became who I am because of it. It’s a very chicken-and-egg situation, except in that case the answer is clearly the egg. The lines are much blurrier with regard to me and Clueless.

I have a confession, though: I never read Jane Austen growing up. Not once. I didn’t even read any in college, either, because by then everybody had already read it. In my defense, though, my mother read sci-fi and trashy romances for pleasure (I drifted toward the latter) and my friends read horror and fantasy. Nowhere in my life was someone to guide me through literature, to tell me to read Austen. I consider it one of the great tragedies of my youth (the other being almost the entire rest of it, in full, but that’s a story for another day). In not reading, Austen, however, when I first watched Clueless (and actually every time I watched Clueless, of the literal multiple dozens of times, up to two years ago when I finally read her), I got exactly none of the references to its inspiration, the novel Emma. The good news being that when I finally did read Emma, I suddenly found I loved Clueless all the more.

Alicia Silverstone is Cher Horowitz, our Emma Woodhouse surrogate. She’s a beautiful, intelligent, privileged teen girl living with her wealthy widower father in a posh neighborhood of Los Angeles who is much more superficial and immature than she realizes, but she has a good, loving heart. And just like Emma, Cher does such a good job setting up her teacher with someone, she sets out to makeover someone she considers a lost cause — the clumsy and awkward Tai being played with verve by the late Brittany Murphy, beautifully working that sort of goofball trashiness she was so weirdly good at. Misguided and blind to the attentions of Elton (Jeremy Sisto, long before I learned to love him on Suburgatory), she tries to match him with Tai until it falls apart horribly. (“Uch, you are a snob and a half.”) And just like Emma with regard to Harriet and Mr. Knightly, Cher is distraught when Tai turns her eye to Josh (the perfect and ageless Paul Rudd, who manages to pull off both intellectual self-righteousness and totally endearing charm), whom Cher is shocked to realize she herself loves.

It’s a stunning remake, both because of its adherence to and deviation from the original work. That is, it keeps all the things that are necessary and still relevant, but it modernizes the story so flawlessly that it could almost be considered a purely original piece. Josh isn’t a brother-in-law by marriage but an ex-step-brother, better to explain his constant presence at Cher’s house and also a wink to the multiple marriage society of the very rich. Christian isn’t secretly involved with Cher’s rival, as Frank is to Emma’s, but he’s equally unavailable in a much more current and realistic way and Cher can be just as intent on him as Emma is to Frank but still remain close friends with him. And while a Beverly Hills high school is not quite the class society of Regency England, teenage cliques can be quite the dividers, with Cher keeping Tai with the “popular” kids and away from “stoner” Travis (Breckin Meyer) just as surely as Emma separated Harriet and Mr. Martin. Meanwhile, Dionne and Murray (Stacey Dash and Donald Faison) are sort of new characters, to split the best friend/successful match role held by solely Mrs. Weston in the book. In today’s world, it’s much less likely that a girl’s best friend would be her teacher, so Cher gets a teacher to set up and a best friend to be a relationship role model. It’s really brilliant overall, and everywhere you look offers a clever peek at how the tale was updated. It could be a Masters Thesis.

Even if one doesn’t know the book, though, as I didn’t for many years, Clueless has so much to offer. The simple and constant juxtaposition of hyper-intelligent and supremely immature dialogue is a thing of beauty. “I felt impotent and out of control, which I really, really hate.” You could never call Cher stupid, really, because she clearly isn’t even if she can’t pronounce “Hatians,” but she is definitely a product of her environment, sheltered and ditzy and shallow at times. That absolutely describes me, as well as the vast majority of a lot of teen girls I’ve known, past and present. So while Clueless is sort of keenly specific with regard to its characters and setting, it’s also universal in its portrayal of the flightiness and confusion of the teenage condition, which is a delicate balance to achieve. (It should be noted this is something writer-director Amy Heckerling has quite the aptitude for, having also directed the seminal Fast Times at Ridgemont High.)

On top of all that, the movie is a cultural touchstone for anyone who was a teenager in the ’90s. It’s informed our lives and infiltrated our lexicons. (And it continues to influence teens everywhere, thanks to its ubiquitous availability on Netflix and cable and a certain video by Iggy Azalea.) If it were possible to measure the number of times Clueless is quoted around the world on a daily basis, I’m sure the result would be astronomical.

“I totally paused.”

“Whatever.”

“As. If.“

“They’re way existential.”

“Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road.”

“You’re a virgin who can’t drive.”

“That was way harsh, Tai.”

“Cher’s saving herself for Luke Perry.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“I hope not sporadically.”

“She could be a farmer in those clothes.”

“You don’t want to be the last one at the coffee-house without chin pubes.”

“Okay, but street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.”

“I do not wear polyester hair!”

The film is a masterpiece of teen romantic comedy that is smart and funny without being patronizing or trashy. It’s delightful and essential and just really, really great. I’m sorry, but if you don’t love Clueless, you might not even be alive inside.