The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015. Remaining movies: 285 Days to go: 275
Movie #92: Double Jeopardy
Double Jeopardy is a terrible movie. Ashley Judd (as Libby Parsons) isn’t believable as a mother in any capacity, the plot is utterly ridiculous, and from what I know of the legal definition of double jeopardy, it doesn’t even apply here. So if you were planning on killing your husband after serving time for his murder based on this movie’s claim that you can’t be convicted again, think again.
Aside from the entire premise being completely false, the movie has multiple other holes as well. Angela Green (Annabeth Gish) is a preschool teacher to Libby and Nick’s (Bruce Greenwood) son, and yet when Libby is convicted of killing Nick, she has Angela adopt him? Okay, sure, maybe they’ve been really close friends for longer than the one or two years Angela’s been teaching Libby’s kid. But then they sign adoption papers and Libby doesn’t have any sort of copy there, complete with social security numbers and visitation stipulations and other pertinent info, apparently, because when she gets paroled she has to break into Angela’s former employer — in the most half-assed burglary plan ever conceived — in order to get her SSN. I’m not even sure Angela’s SSN would be all that helpful, either, because even in 1999 you couldn’t just go into the library and look everyone in the country up by their socials. That’s absurd. (I also mourn the fact that Daniel Lapaine (the tasty David Van Arkle from Muriel’s Wedding) is in this movie as some dirty hippie (or “Handsome Internet Expert”) trolling for dates at the library. Blech.)
It’s also incredibly stupid at the end of the movie, when the New Orleans Police Chief is like, “Well, since he’s actually still your husband, I guess you own this hotel now.” (More or less.) And Libby gets the chance to snot out a “No thanks.” I’m always like, “if your husband is declared legally dead, then aren’t you legally a widow even if he was never dead to begin with?” The law doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with truth or reality. It only has to do with the law.
And speaking of the law, wasn’t the kid aware at some point that his mother was arrested? He visited her in prison, after all. Did he never question why his father was dead and then wasn’t? Oh, and at the end, when Libby is reunited with him, she asks if he knows who she is. He does, and he’s shocked because “they” told him she was dead. Well, she’s not dead, kid, but your father is. Happy lifelong therapy!
However, there are things I like:
1. Tommy Lee Jones was basically born to play gruff lawmen and begrudging companions. Here he is both. As Travis Layman, Jones is a tough as nails parole officer running a halfway house, and he doesn’t put up with any crap. (This is basically a variation on all the best roles Jones has ever had.) Nobody growls out instructions or sneers at a rules-breaker like him. He’s also pretty funny in his straight-faced way, so when he blackmails people into doing what he wants — giving him information, helping with his investigation, etc. — by smart-mouthing to them that, hey, he could just start making things difficult for them, I can’t help but chuckle.
2. “I gotta hand it to ya, honey, it’s just sheer hate driving you on.” Sometimes I feel like hate is really the best possible workout motivation, to be honest. If I could ever get really worked up over being wronged somehow, I’d probably be ripped.
3. Double Jeopardy throws some serious shade at Pretty Woman for some reason. In the latter, Julia Roberts (as Viv) is approached by a nice saleswoman who guesses her size as a 6, and she’s right, of course, because that’s her job, dear. In Double Jeopardy, though, some snotty saleslady assumes Libby is a size 4, and Libby’s like, “Bitch, I’m a 2.” (I’m paraphrasing.) I’m just waiting for the day when some movie comes out in which Kristen Stewart is like, “Honey, I’m a zero on a fat day. Mostly I shop in the Girls’ sizes.”
4. As stupid as it is to think Nick dumped his unconscious wife in a coffin without removing her lighter or gun or any other useful belongings, it’s even dumber to think she can’t lift the coffin lid. It’s not locked, it’s not being held down. There should be no reason she can’t lift it. But she can’t, not until she shoots the hinges out of it, which for some reason makes the whole lid lighter. Still, it’s a cool scene. Being buried alive is a horrifying thought, and I remember how terrified I was the first time I saw that corpse in there with her. My heart jumped a mile. Now it makes me laugh.
5. In the end, Libby really does kill her husband! Lucky for her there won’t be any kind of investigation or consequences. Bring on the hero’s parade! I swear, this movie is so spectacularly silly.
I can’t really recommend it, not in good conscience, but I do enjoy a bit of mindless trash now and then, and this is absolutely that. If you’re ever looking for something hilariously dumb but fun to watch, you could do a lot worse than Double Jeopardy.
Viable Option 