MY MOVIE SHELF: Night at the Museum

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 182  Days to go: 183

Movie #195:  Night at the Museum

When you say you grew up in New York, most people assume that means the city and fail to realize there’s this whole giant state as well. I wasn’t as far away from Manhattan (while still being in New York) that I could’ve been, but back when I was a kid (when speed limits were lower and even major highways had fewer lanes), it took about seven hours to get there from where I grew up. I don’t know exactly, because the only times I went to (or through) New York City from my hometown were a couple times with my mom when I was really young, by tour bus, and again when I was eighteen, by train (but that was during a blizzard, so it took us forever — we didn’t reach our final destination of Washington D.C. until 3 A.M. and we left Syracuse, because our flight had been cancelled, at 1 in the afternoon). I’ve been to the city a few times as an adult, but mostly my memories of it start and end with those two or three single-day tour trips my mom and I took when I was still a little kid. We went shopping, rode up to the top of the World Trade Center, saw Cats, ate gross Manhattan Clam Chowder that made me puke, and visited lots of museums. My favorite, unsurprisingly, was the Museum of Natural History, where that big blue whale hanging from the ceiling was the most majestic and amazing thing I had ever seen.

Night at the Museum takes place in the Museum of Natural History. It’s a mostly fun little movie, though a bit slow and stilted in places. Yes, Ben Stiller (as night guard Larry Daley) can grate and sometimes the comedy devolves a little too much for my tastes, but I still hold a lot of love for this film, and I’m almost positive it’s due to that giant blue whale. It only makes one appearance, spraying Cecil (Dick Van Dyke) with its blowhole, but I adore it just the same.

The basic premise of the movie is that divorced dad Larry is a screw up who can’t hold a job and is constantly getting evicted, disappointing and upsetting his son Nick (Jake Cherry), who is really starting to look up to his mom’s fiancée Don (Paul Rudd, wearing four hundred phones on his belt like a douche). As a last-ditch hope, Larry gets an interview at the museum (Stiller’s awesomely funny mother, Anne Meara, plays the employment agency representative) to be a night guard. Larry gets the job — replacing outgoing and aging guards Cecil, Gus (Mickey Rooney) and Reginald (Bill Cobbs) — but finds out on his first night that a mysterious Egyptian tablet belonging to King Ahkmenrah (Rami Malek) brings everything to life at sunset. Chaos ensues, naturally, as everyone from Teddy Roosevelt (Robin Williams) — who has it bad for Sacajawea (Mizuo Peck) — to a skeletal T-Rex to a bunch of Neanderthals start roaming the halls and wreaking havoc. Even the tiny little diorama figurines, led by Jedediah of the Old West (Owen Wilson) and Octavius of Ancient Rome (Steve Coogan), start warring with each other and with Larry. There’s also a gross Capuchin monkey named Dexter who likes to steal keys and pee on things. On top of all that, there’s a secret plot to steal the tablet and other items from the museum that Larry must foil, in addition to keeping the displays under control and not losing them to the dawn (when they will turn to dust if they are outside the museum), and still manage not to get fired by museum director Dr. McPhee (Ricky Gervais). It’s a lot.

Like I said, Stiller tends to grate on me, but a lot of the supporting characters are truly great. The old guards, in particular, are fantastically spry, especially belligerent and pugilistic Mickey Rooney. The T-Rex that acts like a dog is also a lot of fun, and while most of Octavius and Jedediah annoy me, I really like the intercut scene where they flatten the van’s tires and the end scene when they jam to some music in a remote control car. Most notable, though, is how restrained but still utterly charming and funny Williams is as Teddy Roosevelt. He seems to perfectly embody the legend of the 26th president, or at least our modern idea of him, and is a steadying force against the wacky antics of literally everyone else. However, there is one wacky antic I unabashedly love, and that’s Brad Garrett voicing the Easter Island head, because that dum-dum wants some gum-gum.

In general, Night at the Museum isn’t a franchise I’m overly fond of, which is why I don’t own the sequel (despite thinking Amy Adams does a jolly good Amelia Earhart) and have little interest in the third movie coming out later this month. But this first movie is special to me, owing almost entirely to a little girl’s memories of her favorite New York City museum and that gorgeous big blue whale.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 288  Days to go: 277

Movie #89: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

“Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?”

Dodgeball is a really funny movie that holds up to multiple viewings. Pondering why this might be today as I watched, I realized pretty quickly that it’s because Dodgeball is positively stacked with jokes. Jokes upon jokes upon jokes. Whatever your style of jokes preference is, Dodgeball has a joke for you.

Dry joke partisans will appreciate Vince Vaughn as Peter LaFleur, playing the straight, low-key guy against all the craziness around him. With the pop of an eyebrow and a one-liner at the ready, LaFleur is the king of the wry observation. Given Vaughn’s history of being both inclined to and in danger of taking things overboard, putting him in this role successfully reins him in and uses him to the movie’s best advantage. As a complement to Vaughn is Christine Taylor as Kate Veatch, a tough girl, a baller athlete and a consummate professional, she puts everyone in their places with cutting remarks. It’s the kind of stuff keen observers and dry wits appreciate.

Those looking for absurdist comedy, however, won’t be disappointed either. Dodgeball is practically bursting with it. From the cheerleading Donkeys to the Average Joe’s carwash, to the entire concept of a Dodgeball tournament, the whole film is silly and goofy and weird. There are also characters Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn) and Steve the Pirate (Alan Tudyk), whose entire existence is bizarre, not to mention the steaming ball of crazy named White Goodman (played by steaming ball of crazy Ben Stiller). White is a treasure trove of wackadoo, self-abusing (literally and figuratively) with food, obsessing over his appearance and throwing his nonexistent weight around in the biggest (haha) Napoleonic complex you’ve ever seen.

White is also constantly misusing idioms and mangling language, which is intellectual humor at its finest. Another great intellectual joke? There is a chest full of money at the end literally labeled “Deus Ex Machina.” These are the jokes not everybody gets, but the people who do love them all the more for their obscurity. Stiller is unsubtle enough with his stuff that it’d be hard to miss here, but it’s still pretty artfully and smartly done. White’s use of a deep, raspy voice when he wants to sound profound is hilarious, especially when what he actually says is nonsense. And yet, White’s surplus of funny doesn’t stop there.

Physical comedy fans have a lot to look forward to in Dodgeball, and White Goodman’s performance of “Milkshake” over the end credits is a major highlight. It’s not the only one, though. Stephen Root is a delight as awkward, dorky Gordon, and I’ve long been a fan of Justin Long’s hapless earnestness (or earnest haplessness). Long, especially, has been a favorite of mine since his turn in the TV show Ed, and here, playing the character Justin, he’s just as lovable, just as jittery, and just as uncomfortable in his skin. His cheerleading routines and his workout attempts are great, but him getting hit in the head with that wrench (“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.”) is gold. Another skilled purveyor of physical comedy is Missi Pyle, who is always willing, in every role she’s ever taken, to completely forsake her own vanity for the good of a role. She’s like Melissa McCarthy and Anna Faris in that way, only she gets far less recognition for it. Here, Pyle stars as Fran, some Eastern European Slavic athlete with a fierce unibrow and jacked-up teeth. With a deep voice and a terrifying mole, she’s the scariest player on any team.

The place Dodgeball really shines, though, is as a sports parody. Not just a sports movie parody — though it does touch on the clichés of the passionate coach, the intense training montages, the underdog victories, the noble cause, the huge setback, playing with The Force, and the motivational speech — but a parody on all aspects of sports. There are the Dodgeball Dancers, the hilarious fan signs in the crowd (“Joe’s Knows Balls.”), ESPN 8 “the Ocho,” the tagline “Go Balls Deep,” the intricate and confusing rules, the silly little red penalty rope the ref dangles in front of White for a warning, the overblown introductions of all the teams, and the two commentators played by Gary Cole (as the play-by-play man) and Jason Bateman (in a huge and fabulous departure from the kinds of roles he usually plays, as the flighty, rockstar color commentator). Cole is gloriously self-serious, dropping brilliant lines about the Helsinki championship of 1919 and the perfect, “Do you believe in unlikelihood?!” Meanwhile, Bateman is distracted and cavalier, making the kind of useless and nonsensical comments any sports fan knows aren’t too far off the mark from the things real commentators say.  (Watch a game sometime — any game. You’ll see what I mean.)

I first saw Dodgeball in the theater with my brother — one of the few times we’ve hung out together, just the two of us, given our big age difference and the substantial geographical distance between us — and it’s a memory I really treasure because of that. I always think of him when I watch it, but I also enjoy the movie on its merits. Those merits being lots and lots and lots of jokes. I always appreciate funny.

“Fuckin’ Chuck Norris.”