MY MOVIE SHELF: Star Wars: Episode VI — Return of the Jedi

 

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 169  Days to go: 120

Movie #269:  Star Wars: Episode VI — Return of the Jedi

A lot of people seem to have some sort of problem with Jedi, particularly the Ewoks. I don’t get it. Aside from “ewok” essentially being a syllabic reversal of “wookiee” just as the Ewoks are short furry dudes to Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) and other Wookiees being tall furry dudes, I think the Ewoks are fun. They’re adorable, they say things like “yub yub,” and they display a hell of a lot of ingenuity for a primitive race, in both their daily lives and their fighting strategies. A high school friend of mine even voted for the “Ewok Celebration Theme” to be the official prom song junior year. She was being contrarian, sure, but it made just as much sense as eventual winner “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel, which came out a full six years before said prom. But I digress.

Return of the Jedi is actually my favorite of the original trilogy, probably because I was of the perfect age when it came out. It appealed to me on every level. I especially like the entire opening sequence in Jabba’s lair. (Again, this is the original theatrical release, so Boba Fett (Jeremy Bulloch) is no chick magnet in my version.) I like Leia (Carrie Fisher) disguising herself as a bounty hunter to rescue Han (Harrison Ford). I like Lando (Billy Dee Williams) in full stealth guard mode. I like the weird dude with the super long head. I like the band. I like how Luke (Mark Hamill) outsmarts the rancor, and how he’s suddenly claiming to be a freaking Jedi Knight. (Han agrees with my skepticism on this point.) I like Princess Leia in her gold bikini, and I’ve wanted to be her on more than one occasion. I like the pig guards and Jabba’s little rat sidekick and I like the entire battle over the sarlacc monster. It’s fucking great, all of it. (Though if this was honestly their plan from the start, these people are fucked in the head.)

I also think Jedi moves along well, tying up loose ends (RIP Yoda), revealing Luke’s sister, and interweaving the Endor battle with Luke’s showdown with Emperor Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid) really well. I even like the final redemption of Darth Vader (voiced by James Earl Jones) by way of throwing the electrified emperor down a huge abyss. I could do without then turning the imposing Vader into gross old Anakin Skywalker (Sebastian Shaw — dude, isn’t that the name of Kevin Bacon’s character in X-Men First Class?), but at least in this version I don’t have to look at damn Hayden Christensen in the closing apparition scene. (Original theatrical release or GTFO.)

On top of all that, I actually think the speeder bike chase on Endor is spectacular, and I’ve always kind of wanted one of those for myself even though I would undoubtedly crash and die the second I started it up. (Fun fact: If you stand in one of the exterior folds of the Carrier Dome at Syracuse University wearing hard soled shoes and you stomp the ground, it makes a sound that was used as a sound effect in the Endor scenes. The More You Know.) And actually, the entire Endor battle is phenomenal and exciting and great. I love it.

Return of the Jedi gives you Han and Lando both promoted to general, C-3PO (Anthony Daniels) playing both God and amazeballs storyteller to the Ewoks, Leia with insanely long, awesome hair and some kickass killer instincts as well as some Force “feelings,” and Luke using his telekinesis all over the place. How the hell are you going to complain about that? (“It’s a trap!”) That’s right, you’re not.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 170  Days to go: 120

Movie #268:  Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back

Several years ago my uncle told me the story of the first time he went to see The Empire Strikes Back. It was opening day, and he was standing in line with a buddy for the next showing. As the previous showing let out, another one of his friends came out, and he was busting at the seams to tell them something about how great it was. They kept putting him off, so he begged and pleaded to just tell them one thing and finally they relented. One thing. The kid cupped his hands over his mouth and breathed, “No, Luke, I am your father.” That guy is probably a horrible internet troll now.

In the Star Wars canon, The Empire Strikes Back is commonly accepted as the strongest and best entry of the franchise. The Empire is bigger, badder and more diabolical — acting more like you’d imagine an evil galactic empire would, really — and the plucky rebels are facing disappointment and defeat at every turn. What’s a rebel soldier to do but ditch his friends to go hang out with a sassy puppet in a swamp? (Just kidding, Yoda! I love you! (And Frank Oz too.))

That’s right, after Luke (Mark Hamill) gets his life saved by warm tauntaun guts and the rebels are forced to flee Hoth after a killer battle with the amazing AT-AT walkers, he takes off with R2D2 for the Dagobah system so he can be a Jedi. (Fun fact: I can shriek just like R2.) Meanwhile, Han (Harrison Ford) and Leia (Carrie Fisher) wind up getting swallowed by a giant earthworm thingy in the middle of an asteroid field. (Okay, technically, Han drove the Millenium Falcon down it’s throat. Must’ve been distracted by all that sexual tension.) They wind up hiding out in Cloud City with Han’s old scoundrel friend Lando (Billy Dee Williams), who kinda sorta totally sells them out to the Empire and gets Han frozen in carbonite and sent off with bounty hunter Boba Fett (Jeremy Bulloch) for good measure. Good times.

Oh, and Luke gets his arm chopped off.

This is also the movie when I think George Lucas kind of got an idea of where he was going with the story (maybe because he wasn’t as involved). The film ramps up the sexy banter with Han and Leia, whereas Luke completely disappears and romantic rivalry implications all but disappear. Plus, he communicates with her telepathically at the end of the film so he doesn’t fall off the bottom of the floating building, indicating she maybe was strong in the Force as well.

Empire has more locations, better graphics, and an all-around stronger script. The battles are thrilling, the stakes are high, and Leia has much better hair in this one with some fancy dangling braid pretzels. The only part that sucks, really, is seeing under Vader’s helmet. Voiced by the legendary James Earl Jones, yet the back of his head is old and bald and white and gross. Talk about a disappointment, albeit a terrifying one.

Thankfully, it makes up for it by having some of the best lines of the whole series, and if you don’t believe me, you’re a scruffy-looking nerf-herder. (“Who’s scruffy-looking?”) True story: A guy I dated once tried to be as pimp as Han Solo by saying “I know,” when I said I loved him. It didn’t work, and it should’ve clued me in to his arrogance. Literally only Han Solo can pull off that kind of cool.