MY MOVIE SHELF: Horrible Bosses

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 54 Days to go: 38

Movie #386:  Horrible Bosses

I’ve had some great bosses over the years. I’ve also had some godawful ones. For every boss I’ve had who really valued me and appreciated my work, I’ve had one who would encourage me to be casual and friendly with her, then assess me as unprofessional on my reviews, or one who would use me as a scapegoat to get out of jams, or one who would be openly sexist and demeaning, or one who would be basically incompetent and would need me to do my job and his too. I think a lot of people have these experiences from time to time, so Horrible Bosses is hugely relatable as fantasy wish-fulfillment. It’s also rip-roaringly funny.

Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Charlie Day are great as friends Nick, Kurt and Dale. In their own ways, each of them portray both the straight man and the comic role at different times. Their interactions are goofy and spastic one minute, sarcastic and snarky the next, but somehow it all works. However, if you were to think in terms of a comedy duo where one guy is the straight man and one is the banana man, than really all three friends (Nick, Kurt and Dale) are the straight men while all three of their respective bosses — Harken (Kevin Spacey), Bobby Pellit (Colin Farrell) and Julia (Jennifer Aniston) — are their counterparts. (Julia is definitely a big banana fan.)

Each boss character is played to the nines, at the extreme end of the scenery-chewing, batshit crazy spectrum. They look like seriously the most fun characters in the world to play, because they just go all out inappropriate in every conceivable way. Harken is a sadistic, jealous, ball-busting, manipulative, calculating, murderous fuck. Pellit is a sexist, misogynistic, bigoted, dickweed cokehead d-bag (with a comb-over and a pot belly that is HILARIOUS to behold). And Julia is a psychotic, oversexed lunatic.

To the shock of no one, I’m sure, Jennifer Aniston’s performance is my absolute favorite of the entire film (even including Jamie Foxx as the hysterical pseudo-thug Motherfucker Jones). She plays diametrically opposed to type as a dentist with an extreme capacity for sexual harassment. (“That’s rape! You’re a raper!”) For reasons completely unknown, Julia is obsessed with Dale’s junk and she will do absolutely anything to get a piece of it. It’s a nice role reversal, actually, on your typical sexual harassment storylines, and it’s incredibly funny because it’s so balls-to-the-wall. Aniston has no fear whatsoever being as sexual and as bold as she can possibly be, which, let’s face it, should be a regular thing because it’s so great. Shrinking, insecure violets are so last century. Embrace your sexuality, ladies! (Just don’t sexually harass and/or assault anyone. That’s bad.)

Horrible Bosses is chock full of jokes and rich with stellar performances. And it also confirms my suspicions that watching lots of Law & Order will one day come in handy if I’m ever accused of a crime. That’s a win-win.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Minority Report

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 197  Days to go: 202

Movie #180:  Minority Report

The most annoying thing about Minority Report is that the title and the entire premise around it is a red herring. It means nothing. It’s stupid, pointless and totally irrelevant. Intriguing title, yes. Pertinent subject of the film in question, no.

Fortunately the rest of the movie is pretty badass, despite peak levels of Tom Cruise intensity. Cruise plays John Anderton, leader of the Washington DC Precrime division something like fifty years into our future. And Precrime, as the name indicates, is this scary little process wherein people are arrested and put into some sort of suspended animation coma for all time just for potentially murdering someone. That’s right, you don’t even need to commit a crime in order to be incarcerated. If the pre-cogs who serve as fuel for the Precrime division have a vision — a premonition — of a murder occurring, their thoughts are uploaded into the main computer and the system generates a wooden marble (red for impulsive, brown for pre-meditated) for both the victim and the perpetrator. It even laser cuts their names into the things.

It’s all well and good and Anderton is like the Precrime poster boy, even defending it to a decidedly skeptical investigator Danny Witwer (Colin Farrell). That is, until the pre-cogs come up with a brown ball that says Anderton himself will murder a man named Leon Crow (Mike Binder) — a man he’s never met, or even heard of before. There must be a mistake right? To prove his innocence and avoid the “halo” of permanent vegetation, Anderton goes on a thrilling search for the truth.

He confides in his mentor and Precrime Grand Poobah Lamar Burgess (Max von Sydow) and his ex-wife Lara (Cold Case‘s Kathryn Morris), and seeks the council of Precrime “inventor” Dr. Iris Hineman (Lois Smith), who is worth mentioning even though she’s useless. But she does lead Anderton to take with him on his journey pre-cog extraordinaire Agatha (Samantha Morton), who is the best character in the film by a mile. There’s also some crazy sci-fi shit to do with eyeballs.

Aside from the dumb red herring thing, the movie has a solid, gripping plot. It’s intense and thrilling and pulls the audience along for a pretty great ride. And it’s fascinating beyond measure for the idea of intention versus actuality, and whether stopping something from happening means it was ever definitely going to happen. It wades into that murky morality and really explores the advantages and pitfalls to be found.

Unsurprisingly the most stirring point in the film for me is a small scene in which Agatha sees John and Lara’s son in the future he would’ve had, as if there’s a parallel universe out there in which he’s still around, living that life she sees. It’s touching and emotional and dives directly into themes that have inspired me for ages. Somewhere the people we have lost are still around. Somewhere the mistakes we’ve made have been undone. Somewhere our lives have taken different paths.

To me, it’s a thrilling and imaginative and yes, even comforting thought. But it has nothing to do with the Minority Report, so disregard that part.