MY MOVIE SHELF: Stand By Me

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 172  Days to go: 121

Movie #266:  Stand By Me

I was just a smidge younger than the four main boys in Stand By Me when it came out, but I still had a pretty hard time relating to it. I mean, I liked it a whole lot — it’s funny and thoughtful and even suspenseful and frightening in places — but these boys were not like boys I knew. Or if they were, then I didn’t know any boys all that well. (My brother wasn’t even born yet when this movie came out, so I never really got to experience boys up close until I was much older.) These boys were worldlier than I was, by far. I don’t know if it’s simply because girls don’t have penises, but I was never aware before this movie that it was important for it to be a “fat one,” or how traumatizing it might be for a leech to be on your balls. I also had never heard swears like these before. I didn’t even know what a pussy was, but it sounded really bad. I’m also not a big fan of barfing, but I suspect that’s just my shocking lack of a sense of humor at work, because clearly, barfing is hilarious.

In their small Maine hometown (because Stephen King, natch), four best friends set out on a hike the weekend before they enter junior high in order to see a dead body. Such is the premise of Stand By Me. It’s a story being narrated (written, as it turns out) by Richard Dreyfuss, the grown-up version of Gordie Lachance (Wil Wheaton). Gordie and his friends Chris (River Phoenix), Teddy (Corey Feldman) and Vern (Jerry O’Connell) find out about the dead body of a boy several miles away when Vern overhears his older brother talking about it with his friend, and the foursome sets out to “claim” the missing boy and maybe get a reward or be on TV. These are lofty goals for a twelve-year-old.

There is a mad dash to beat a train (in a truly heart-racing scene), the aforementioned run-in with some leeches, and a legendary dog who responds to the command, “Chopper, sic balls.” There is also the problem of Vern’s brother Billy (Casey Siemaszko) and his gang of reprobates, led by some street thug named Ace (Kiefer Sutherland), who, once Billy and friend Charlie (Gary Riley) spill the beans about boosting a car and stumbling upon the body, want to claim it for themselves. They’re sort of laughably tame in their thuggery, playing mailbox baseball with actual rules and brandishing a little switchblade like it means something, but when the movie first came out I found them terrifying. No way I would’ve wanted to run into them in a dark alley.

The journey is eye-opening and the conversations are charming and the soundtrack is a treasure trove of oldies but goodies, but the four boys (and the actors portraying them) are what make the film so great.

Jerry O’Connell is adorably dumpy as Vern. He does this weird thing with his mouth when he talks that might as well be subtitled “ah-doi.” It’s really hard to believe the beautiful man he is now really used to be this dopey little klutz. Vern is a bit of a punching bag to the others (literally, in Teddy’s case), but there’s also this sweet naiveté to him, this innocence that hasn’t been corrupted by a whole lot of hardship. I mean, if the worst thing to ever happen to you is that you lost a jar of pennies under your porch, then you’re either living a charmed life or a blissfully ignorant one. In Vern’s case, I’d definitely say it’s the latter, but it doesn’t make him any less likable. He’s a doof, yeah, but he’s a well-meaning, good-natured doof.

Teddy, on the other hand, is pretty dark. He’s aggressive and loud and is fascinated by violence. He’d been horribly maimed by his father, yet he still worships the guy, as if storming the beach at Normandy makes everything else okay. He’s all over the place, really, acting out one minute, being all self-serious the next. Today he’d probably be diagnosed with some sort of mood disorder, but back then he was just an “active” boy or some such. He’s definitely less likable than Vern, but you still see what the others see in him, and that’s quite a balance to pull off. God, remember when Corey Feldman could legitimately act?

Gordie is quiet and small, clearly smarter than the others and also more introspective. He misses his brother Denny (John Cusack) who died a few months prior, and he doesn’t know how to act anymore because of it — not with his parents, or with people who compare him to Denny, or even anyone who just brings Denny up in conversation. He tells a good story, though, and since both Denny and Chris encouraged that talent, he holds onto it. People take Gordie for granted, but he’s not the pushover everyone thinks he is, and he can definitely put Ace in his place. (With the helpful hardware man?) He’s a little shy and a little scared, but he stands by his friends and he sticks to what he believes in. It might be that the story is being told from his perspective, but you’ve got to admire that in a person. Gordie is also, as far as I’m concerned, the best, most nuanced character Wil Wheaton ever played. I really liked Gordie as a girl, and I don’t think anyone picked him out to be the type to crush on, but he was a lot like I was, and I responded to it.

Of course, not even I was immune to the sexy pre-adolescence of River Phoenix as Chris Chambers. I may have been the most like Gordie, but wounded bad-boy-trying-to-make-good Chris set off all my instinctual attraction triggers, even then. He was quiet, too, and thoughtful, but he had a tough exterior and a hard life that he was always trying to escape. People in town may have thought he was shit, but deep down in his heart he was a good person, and that came screaming through his tight little white t-shirt. It’s incredible to me that both — Chris and River — would die tragically, well before either one of their times. More than any other of River’s films, this one makes me nearly cry to think about the talent and potential that was lost. He was just so good here.

All the boys were great, in fact, and somehow each one of them managed to portray a character that perfectly fit the description of their older selves the narrator gives at the close of his tale. And the line about Chris, “Although I hadn’t seen him in more than ten years, I know I’ll miss him forever,” is perfect. I wish he would’ve ended the story right then, in fact, because the actual last line that he types, about never having friends again like he did when he was twelve, then “Jesus, does anyone,” is a horrible pile of schockly hack crap. Is that how Stephen King closes his novels? Fingers crossed that whole last paragraph gets edited out in the revision phase.

Now go play with your kids.

MY MOVIE SHELF: The Lost Boys

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 206  Days to go: 209

Movie #171:  The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys is rated R for obvious, skull-piercing, blood-gushing, scalp-ripping reasons, so when it came out in 1987, I didn’t see it. I was 12. I’m not sure when I did see it, as a matter of fact, but I think it was my junior year of high school, so around five years later. My stepfather rented the video and he and I stayed up late watching it; it was after 1AM when I went to bed. Well, “bed.” I was so scared, I slept on my floor with a light on and my radio playing so I could see under my bed, lest something tried to pop up through the mattress and kill me. I was very level-headed at that age.

See, back then, vampires were not your everyday film subject (not quite as ubiquitous, at least) , and they were nothing if not bloodthirsty killers. And while The Lost Boys is at least as intentionally funny as it is gross and/or terrifying, it was kind of a big deal. At the time, my primary interest was Corey Haim (playing Sam), since he was cute. And I never really questioned it until now, but how old was Sam supposed to be in this film? I mean, Corey Haim was 16 when it came out, which is about where I think I placed the character at, but what 16-year-old a) takes bubble baths, b) needs his brother to stay home with him, and c) has a midriff-baring poster of Rob Lowe in his bedroom? Wait, was Sam gay?? Or just super young? Inquiring minds want to know, Schumacher.

Recently divorced mom Lucy (Dianne Wiest) moves with her two sons, Sam and his older brother Michael (Jason Patric) from Phoenix to (fictional) Santa Carla, California to live with her father (Barnard Hughes). Michael catches the eye of a beautiful, enigmatic girl name Star (Jami Gertz), Sam “befriends” militant Frog brothers Edgar (Corey Feldman) and Alan (Jamison Newlander), and Lucy meets a nice man named Max (Edward Herrmann) who gives her a job at his video store and asks her out on a date. It’s a pretty sweet start to life in a new town, if not for “all the damn vampires.” A menacing group of marauders — around Michael’s age — terrorize the boardwalk (literally). Led by gravelly voiced David (Kiefer Sutherland) and featuring Bill S. Preston Esq. from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (Alex Winter) as Marko, this unseemly gang of bloodsuckers decide to play a few games of mind-fuckery with Michael and wind up tricking him into drinking some of their blood from a wine bottle (no big deal). This puts him well on the way to full vampire status and the boys need to scramble to reverse the trend and save themselves from certain annihilation. Brutal murder and wise cracking ensues.

The movie is well-structured and efficiently paced, building tension and suspense without having to reveal too much. In fact, the scary vampire visages are withheld more often than not, giving maximum punch to their effectiveness. Even the opening use of The Doors song “People are Strange” couldn’t be more fitting, as it sets an eerie tone from the start, while the creepy screeching, flapping wind sound effects used to indicate the coming monsters is deliberately spine-tingling and will set you on edge. And then right when your hair is all standing on end, there’s a tension break (usually provided by Grandpa, who wins the entire movie by stealing every one of his scenes) to catch you off guard before building the suspense all over again. Like a roller coaster, it’s a thrilling ride.

I had a ton of fun watching this tonight. What was a sleep-depriving, nightmare-inducing first viewing has since become a rollicking, hilarious good time and all my reactions now consist of cackling and squealing with glee. Also, I arranged to watch it this time when the oldest girl (who loves horror movies) would be here to watch it with me. Even though she’s seen much scarier, much edgier, far more gruesome things in the kind of horror that’s come out more recently (the kind of stuff I hate), there was much screaming and shuddering and hands shaking in front of her face, in addition to a lot of laughter. I call that a win.

MY MOVIE SHELF: The Goonies

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 247 Days to go: 251

Movie #130: The Goonies

I had a huge crush on Sean Astin when I was ten because of this movie (also because we share a birthday and that was magical to me back then). A smarter, older girl might have gone for Brand (Josh Brolin), but I was neither smarter nor older. And I didn’t understand why his name was Brand. But for a young girl of ten, Mikey (Astin) was a perfect crush to have; he was passionate, cute and he adorably said all the wrong things. Plus Andy (Kerri Green) said he was a good kisser, so. I may not have known what did or did not constitute good kissing, but I knew it was important.

The Goonies is a wonderful film about friendship and adventure. It’s the kind of thing that’s just a fun, family-friendly crowdpleaser, which, let’s be honest, is kind of Spielberg’s wheelhouse, even if he only wrote it. (Richard Donner directed.) Back when I was a kid, I think I felt Mouth (Corey Feldman) was the coolest, but now I think he’s just mean and obnoxious to Chunk (Jeff Cohen) and Stef (Martha Plimpton), plus I have no idea why he translates the map with an Olde English accent. Data (Jonathan Ke Quan), with his super great gadgets and obsession with James Bond, is clearly the actual coolest.

Scary Mama Fratelli (Anne Ramsey) is also great, though I never appreciated her until I was grown up. When I was young, I was way too terrified of her, which just goes to further prove how great she was as the lead criminal bossing around her sons Jake and Francis (Robert Davi and Joe Pantoliano), plus poor chained up Sloth (John Matuszak).(Sloth was very scary to me as a kid, but I also felt a huge amount of empathy for him, and so much love for his and Chunk’s friendship. Though I do wonder how his parents feel about him bringing home a stray person with severe medical needs to live with them.)

For me, though, the real draw of the film is the adventure itself. Data getting saved from impalement by his chatter teeth, the awesome and terrifying organ made of bones, and especially the crazy great water slide were hugely thrilling. Being a child of amusement parks, I never understood why they didn’t capitalize on that water slide, actually. I wanted on it in a big way — that and the Temple of Doom mine cart roller coaster. The fact that Jonathan Ke Quan got to experience both of those is not lost on me, and I’m pretty jealous, even if it was just moviemaking. (Spielberg, call me! We can all go to Six Flags or something.)

The Goonies is a film that’s great when you’re a kid, and it’s great to watch with your kids. My son has seen it several times and he loves it — it’s a powerful fantasy adventure story that’s a lot of fun to watch over and over. It’s as simple as that.