MY MOVIE SHELF: Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 170  Days to go: 120

Movie #268:  Star Wars: Episode V — The Empire Strikes Back

Several years ago my uncle told me the story of the first time he went to see The Empire Strikes Back. It was opening day, and he was standing in line with a buddy for the next showing. As the previous showing let out, another one of his friends came out, and he was busting at the seams to tell them something about how great it was. They kept putting him off, so he begged and pleaded to just tell them one thing and finally they relented. One thing. The kid cupped his hands over his mouth and breathed, “No, Luke, I am your father.” That guy is probably a horrible internet troll now.

In the Star Wars canon, The Empire Strikes Back is commonly accepted as the strongest and best entry of the franchise. The Empire is bigger, badder and more diabolical — acting more like you’d imagine an evil galactic empire would, really — and the plucky rebels are facing disappointment and defeat at every turn. What’s a rebel soldier to do but ditch his friends to go hang out with a sassy puppet in a swamp? (Just kidding, Yoda! I love you! (And Frank Oz too.))

That’s right, after Luke (Mark Hamill) gets his life saved by warm tauntaun guts and the rebels are forced to flee Hoth after a killer battle with the amazing AT-AT walkers, he takes off with R2D2 for the Dagobah system so he can be a Jedi. (Fun fact: I can shriek just like R2.) Meanwhile, Han (Harrison Ford) and Leia (Carrie Fisher) wind up getting swallowed by a giant earthworm thingy in the middle of an asteroid field. (Okay, technically, Han drove the Millenium Falcon down it’s throat. Must’ve been distracted by all that sexual tension.) They wind up hiding out in Cloud City with Han’s old scoundrel friend Lando (Billy Dee Williams), who kinda sorta totally sells them out to the Empire and gets Han frozen in carbonite and sent off with bounty hunter Boba Fett (Jeremy Bulloch) for good measure. Good times.

Oh, and Luke gets his arm chopped off.

This is also the movie when I think George Lucas kind of got an idea of where he was going with the story (maybe because he wasn’t as involved). The film ramps up the sexy banter with Han and Leia, whereas Luke completely disappears and romantic rivalry implications all but disappear. Plus, he communicates with her telepathically at the end of the film so he doesn’t fall off the bottom of the floating building, indicating she maybe was strong in the Force as well.

Empire has more locations, better graphics, and an all-around stronger script. The battles are thrilling, the stakes are high, and Leia has much better hair in this one with some fancy dangling braid pretzels. The only part that sucks, really, is seeing under Vader’s helmet. Voiced by the legendary James Earl Jones, yet the back of his head is old and bald and white and gross. Talk about a disappointment, albeit a terrifying one.

Thankfully, it makes up for it by having some of the best lines of the whole series, and if you don’t believe me, you’re a scruffy-looking nerf-herder. (“Who’s scruffy-looking?”) True story: A guy I dated once tried to be as pimp as Han Solo by saying “I know,” when I said I loved him. It didn’t work, and it should’ve clued me in to his arrogance. Literally only Han Solo can pull off that kind of cool.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 171  Days to go: 120

Movie #267:  Star Wars: Episode IV — A New Hope

I am a lifelong Star Wars girl. According to my mom, I was taken to see it when I was very young (I was scared of the Jawas), and I’ve loved it as far back as I can remember. I was incredibly disappointed by the twentieth anniversary re-release (to say nothing of the abhorrent Episodes I-III), and I own this set specifically because it contains the  original theatrical version and I don’t have to be subjected to stupid walking Jabba in Mos Eisley. (As if that rich, powerful and imposing slug would ever walk anywhere, even to get Han). It is, unfortunately, still “digitally remastered,” which means I have to endure a distracting CGI landspeeder shadow and these new super explosion graphics, but I’ll live. At least it’s still, essentially, the movie I remember so fondly from my youth.

George Lucas has famously said that he’d planned this out as a nine part saga from the very start, and while it’s a nice idea, I don’t exactly buy it. Like, would he really have planned for a romantic rivalry if he knew ahead of time that Luke (Mark Hamill) and Leia (Carrie Fisher) were related? No, you can’t convince me he intended to go with incestuous leanings on the outset. Also, Vader (voiced by James Earl Jones) supposedly “betrayed and murdered” Luke’s father. Oh sure, sure, Obi-Wan (Alec Guinness) reveals in Jedi that by becoming Vader, Anakin was destroyed, but where’s the betrayal part? Clearly, Lucas was just making it up as he went along. And that’s fine! I don’t care. I don’t think it matters at all if it wasn’t planned as an epic. I mean, maybe he had an idea to make it this massive, multi-part franchise, but he didn’t have it all plotted out like he’s claimed. I wish he’d just admit it instead of all the posturing he does. Then again, he’s made it clear from his constant tweaks to the films that the man is a fan of revisionist history. I mean, really. Not only did Han (Harrison Ford) shoot first, he’s the only one who shot. Greedo just died.

I kind of got ahead of myself at times there, but it’s hard to talk Star Wars without discussing the entire arc of the original three films. In this one in particular, however, there’s a glowing sheen of innocence kind of surrounding everything on the screen. Empire is considered darker because of its plot, but it’s also so much slicker and more polished in terms of the look and the effects. Here the aliens in the cantina are all so clearly men in cheap awkward costumes it’s kind of hilarious. And that’s what makes it great. The idea of Obi-Wan Kenobi going into hiding by changing his name to Ben Kenobi is ludicrous and awesome and just as plausible as  getting your name from a nearby cereal box and calling yourself Mr. Cheerios. And I love that!

I love Leia’s on-again-off-again British accent. I love all of Luke’s squealed, whining lines of dialogue. I love that evil Lord Vader is like, lower-level management in this film, and he even has to go out in his own TIE fighter to shoot rebels. I love that X-wing guns can shoot lasers in a curved arc that go down a hole and into the one tiny little spot that’s going to blow up an entire moon.  I love every cheesy little cobbled together thing about this movie, and I always will.

“I knew there was more to you than money!”

MY MOVIE SHELF: Hook

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 233  Days to go: 238

Movie #144:  Hook

Hook is an interesting movie — kind of sad, kind of sweet, kind of weird, and way too long. Based on the premise that the original Peter Pan story really happened, it posits that Peter (Robin Williams) eventually stayed with Wendy (Maggie Smith) in London — having fallen in love at first sight with Wendy’s granddaughter Moira (Caroline Goodall) — and grew up to be a boring, old fuddy-duddy named Peter Banning who has two kids, Jack (Charlie Korsmo) and Maggie (Amber Scott). But when the Banning clan travels back to London to visit Granny Wendy, Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) returns and kidnaps Jack and Maggie to incite a war with Peter.

Spielberg has an affinity for father-son stories, and Hook delves into that quite a bit. Peter is a busy and important businessman with little time for family commitments — he takes a call (on a GIANT flip phone) during his daughter’s play and he misses Jack’s baseball game entirely. He doesn’t like his kids running around or making noise or being childish, and he frequently tells Jack, especially, to grow up. So when Jack finds himself in Neverland, and his father once again disappoints by not making enough of an effort (in Jack’s mind) to save them, Jack is easily swayed by the encouragement of Captain Hook and soon forgets his parents altogether. (Neverland makes you forget.)

Peter has also forgotten, but what he can’t remember is his life in Neverland, his life as Pan. “He can’t fly, he can’t fight, and he can’t crow,” as new Lost Boy leader Rufio (Dante Basco) points out. But Tinkerbell (Julia Roberts) believes in Peter, and she convinces the Lost Boys to give him a chance. Bit by bit, he regains his memory and his playfulness and even his happy thoughts, naturally saving the day and returning home to their Happily Ever After, but the movie is clunky in several areas.

The casting of Hook is very, very weird. Robin Williams makes a great Pan, in theory, but he’s more than a little disquieting as a disapproving parent. Julia Roberts is an odd choice for Tinkerbell, in just about every conceivable way. I like her a lot, and I don’t mind the performance, but it’s a strange fit. Dustin Hoffman affects an unusual voice for Hook, and plays him with far more severity than the blundering silliness that had heretofore been a hallmark of the character would seem to call for. Meanwhile, Maggie Smith was only 57 when this movie came out and yet she’s costumed to look older than she currently does, actually approaching 80, on Downton Abbey. And there are all sorts of cameos that make no kind of sense at all: Phil Collins as a detective, David Crosby, Jimmy Buffett and Glenn Close as pirates, and a smooching George Lucas and Carrie Fisher just because.

Bob Hoskins actually works pretty well as Mr. Smee, but where the real casting triumphs are fall within the Lost Boys. Rufio is cocksure and swaggering — a confident leader with no use for this old, fat Peter. But he’s also just vulnerable and jealous enough to feel threatened by the Lost Boys’ faith in Pan. When his arrogance is struck down in a fight against the pirates, it’s an honest loss felt by all. The rest of the boys, too, are all adorable moppets with varying levels of smudged-nose adorableness and enthusiastic roughhousing, with the cream of the crop easily being Raushan Hammond as Thud Butt — a super cute, rotund little man who literally rolls himself into a ball to knock down some pirates in battle. He’s sweet and earnest and oh, so lovable. His genuine glee and awed pride at receiving Pan’s sword warms the heart for days.

The story itself is also a bit awkward and labored, but really seems to lend itself to being more enjoyable the more you disconnect from your rational mind — much like Peter needs to do in order to find his Pan. If you open your imagination and childlike spirit, the film can be quite touching and fun.

Sadly, not even childlike imagination can save Hook from being way too long. It could easily lose thirty minutes and probably be a much better film for it, but I still find it hard to let this one go. I keep it on my shelf through thick and thin because something in it just appeals to me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve lost my marbles.