MY MOVIE SHELF: The Cider House Rules

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order, by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 314   Days to go: 305

Movie #56: The Cider House Rules

First of all, it’s important to point out that I don’t acknowledge that title as being about rules posted in the cider house. In my head, I only ever hear The Cider House Rules in the same cadence and intonation used by the guy in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure who says, “San Dimas High School football RULES!” So I maybe have never taken this movie as seriously as I should.

For one thing, it never really occurred to me that Homer (Tobey Maguire) and Candy (Charlize Theron) fall in love. I always thought she was a silly girl who felt a bit lonely and took advantage of a boy with a crush. And while I still think that to an extent, I also now see the true caring and feelings she has for him. He’s this boy with so much love to give, how could you not love him back?

For another, I never really considered the possibility that Dr. Larch (Michael Caine) might have killed himself or that Mr. Rose (Delroy Lindo) didn’t. I just accepted the given explanations of what happened, not for a moment realizing that there was greater depth there. I suppose if I had been one of the children at the orphanage, I would’ve assumed Fuzzy (Erik Per Sullivan) had been adopted as well.

Given how superficially I watched the thing in the past, it’s a wonder I own it at all, especially given I apparently (according to the sticker on the front of the case) bought it pre-viewed at Blockbuster for $14.99, back when that was a really great deal on a DVD. (Things have changed drastically since.) When I watch it, though, I can’t help but be swept up in Rachel Portman’s touching score or the sweet, sad tale of these people who come to, leave from, and sometimes stay at St. Cloud’s Orphanage.

I completely understand Homer’s rebellion against Dr. Larch, and his eagerness to go somewhere else, to see the world, to reject the medical lifestyle, but I really feel for Mary Agnes(Paz de la Huerta), a girl becoming a woman in this lonely place, left there by a mother who didn’t want her, crushing on a boy who leaves, knowing she’ll never get to go. I think my heart breaks for her a little every time I sit down with this one.

I was also really impressed with Erykah Badu as Rose Rose. She was sassy and knowing, and then innocent and lost and full of fear and sorrow. I think it’s a shame Charlize Theron’s picture is on the cover instead of hers, since Rose is the girl who really shows Homer where his heart is — not Candy.

Women come to the St. Cloud’s Orphanage to either bring a life home, or to leave one there. Dr. Larch delivers their babies and cares for the ones that are left behind. He also performs abortions, because he knows that if he — a licensed and skilled physician — doesn’t do it, these desperate girls will go to any other idiot, or even try to do it themselves, which is far more dangerous. As Larch says, though, he doesn’t promote the service. He sees women come in over and over to have these babies they can’t care for, bringing one orphan after another into the world, but he doesn’t say anything or give them any advice. He just helps them as best he can, whatever their choice. Homer objects to performing the procedure himself, which is understandable, but when faced with the reality of Rose’s situation, her desperation, and her complete lack of options, he knows he should offer his help. Because her life is too precious to risk. I wish everyone could see that, the way Homer does — the way Dr. Larch does. This is not intended to be a political post, of course, but the movie deals with this very political topic, so I felt I should touch on it as well. I love the way it humanizes it, and makes it both a personal and a medical issue above all else. To me, that’s how it should be, and I’m always struck by how clear The Cider House Rules makes that to me.

Watching tonight, however, I was mostly struck by two things. One, that I miss Heavy D. As Peaches, he doesn’t have many lines, but he has the best one: “The roof is the best place to have lunch!” And two, Paul Rudd has a portrait of himself somewhere, old and decrepit. He’s 30 years old in this movie, and he looks exactly the same as he did when he was 26 in Clueless or 44 in Admission. The man is an immortal or something, it’s creepy. Maybe he’s in cahoots with that chick Lisle from Death Becomes Her who follows the spring. I wouldn’t be surprised.

In a way, this whole movie feels kind of lost in time, the same way Paul Rudd is. It makes me think maybe that orphanage is still hidden up there in Maine somewhere, cut off from the world, lost in time, with a hundred lonely souls growing up to be of use and to find their places in the world. Perhaps I’ll dream of them tonight. “Goodnight you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.”

 

 

MY MOVIE SHELF: Big Trouble

This is the deal: I own around 350 movies on DVD and Blu-ray. Through June 10, 2015, I will be watching and writing about them all, in the order they are arranged on my shelf (i.e., alphabetically, with certain exceptions). No movie will be left unwatched . I welcome your comments, your words of encouragement and your declarations of my insanity.

Movie #31: Big Trouble

Big Trouble is the absolute funniest movie no one has ever seen.

Originally slated for release on September 21, 2001, the movie (which features hitmen smuggling rifles in golf bags onto cross-country flights, comically lax airport security, and two idiotic thugs who buy their way onto a plane travelling to the Bahamas carrying no identification, a veritable cannon of a handgun, two hostages and a nuclear weapon in a suitcase) was understandably delayed after the 9/11 attacks and came out to absolutely no fanfare on April 5 of the following year. You can’t begrudge the studio, really. There was no other option at the time. But the film is unbelievably hilarious, and I really wish more people had seen it.

Based on the novel by humorist Dave Barry, it centers around an unlikable man named Arthur Herk and the seven or so pairs of people who converge at and around his Miami house over the course of a couple days. The plot is tight and seamless, wasting no time whatsoever (it clocks in at 85 minutes) in telling its very silly story. Not wanting to just recite the plot, however, or give away the many great jokes, I’ll instead focus on the numerous relevant characters.

Tim Allen plays Eliot Arnold, the Dave Barry stand-in. He’s a former humorist at the Miami Herald, recently divorced and trying to make it as an independent ad man. He lives in a crappy apartment, drives a Geo, and his son Matt thinks he’s a loser.  He’s also the protagonist, narrator and hero. He finds himself thrown together with Herk’s wife Anna on several occasions as Matt tries to tag Anna’s daughter Jenny with a squirt gun for a school game.

Rene Russo is Anna Herk. Formerly divorced herself, she stays with Arthur out of fear of losing the financial security he provides. The first time she meets Matt, she’s jumping onto his back to protect Jenny from his (squirt) gun attack. She finds Eliot incredibly handsome and charming.

Ben Foster and Zooey Deschanel are Matt and Jenny. Ben is the perfect snot-nosed teen and Zooey, especially, is tops as a dry witty girl with that signature sarcastic monotone. They frequently interact with Matt’s friend Andrew, played by DJ Qualls, who is mostly inconsequential but who has some great lines and who I mention because I love DJ Qualls.

Stanley Tucci is Arthur Herk. He works for a mob-run construction company, has stolen money from them, and has a hit put out on him because of it. He’s abrasive and rude, tries to intimidate his maid into having an affair of sorts with him, and he’s got a crazy foot fetish. He’s also fixated with television and Martha Stewart.

Dennis Farina and Jack Kehler play hitmen Henry and Leonard. They’re from New York, where hitmen know how to be hitmen, and they hate Miami. They have no use or patience for muggers, Gator fans or cigar-smoking assholes.

Janeane Garofalo and Patrick Warburton are Miami police officers Romero and Kramitz. Romero is no-nonsense. Kramitz is a little-nonsense.

Tom Sizemore and Johnny Knoxville are greasy, dirty, idiot petty criminals Snake and Eddie. They are beyond stupid, and Snake is a bit mean. Slighted early on in the movie, they return to bring about all the events leading directly to the climax.

Jason Lee and Sofia Vergara are Puggy and Nina. Puggy is a homeless drifter who looks like Jesus. He has a gentle soul and is insanely strong. He loves Fritos and Nina. Nina is the Herks’ maid. She is loyal and kind to Anna and Jenny, but she’s constantly fleeing Arthur and his foot fetish. Nina loves Puggy at first sight (when she briefly mistakes him for Jesus).

Heavy D and Omar Epps are FBI agents after the bomb in the suitcase. (It looks like a garbage disposal.) They act almost exclusively under Executive Order 768-4, which apparently gives them the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

Andy Richter plays twins who both work as security guards, one at the Bayside mall and one at the airport. He maybe abuses his power a little.

And that about does it. If that ensemble doesn’t tickle your funny bone with the promise of comedy that is both intelligent and absurd, then nothing will. It’s a very funny movie, and it is definitely worth your time.