MY MOVIE SHELF: When Harry Met Sally…

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 136  Days to go: 94

Movie #302:  When Harry Met Sally …

When Harry Met Sally… is a living, breathing reminder that no romantic comedy ever need be over 100 minutes long, because When Harry Met Sally… only runs for 96 minutes, and it is perfect.

I wasn’t always a fan of When Harry Met Sally…, I confess. It was a little over the head of the junior high schooler I was when it came out. Since then, though, I’ve watched it dozens upon dozens of times, and I couldn’t possibly love it more. It’s SO GREAT.

Every relationship has a story. How did you two meet? How long have you been together? These are stories all couples tell. But while the story is in progress, it’s messier. It takes a long time, it doesn’t always move in a straight line, and sometimes it moves back or falls apart completely before it’s done. Nora Ephron understood this, and she wrote When Harry Met Sally… in that same meandering way most relationships travel, celebrating the stories of lots of couples along the way, but without losing any of the heartwarming romance or the endearing charm that makes romantic comedies such a beloved film genre.

I definitely didn’t understand the interludes with the older couples when I was younger, but now they might be my favorite part. I like how they’re all different, but all the same. I like how sometimes one does all the talking while the other is silent or only says a word or two, I like how other times it’s this equal back and forth, or both of them telling the exact same story in unison. And I especially, particularly like that one woman who interjects details into her husband’s story that he’s forgotten, like the name of the woman he ditched to get back together with her. Her semi-side-eye as she says “Roberta,” is the BEST. I came to the realization today that a friend of mine, whose favorite couple are “Ben Small, of the Coney Island Smalls,” and the woman who just knew about him, “the way you know about a good melon,” is a much younger incarnation of that exact woman in dress and style and charm. If that holds for all of us, if we’re all versions of our favorite old couple from When Harry Met Sally…, then I am absolutely that woman side-eyeing “Roberta” at my husband — not with animosity at all, you can tell, but she’s used to him forgetting things, is my point. I love her.

I’ve gone through different stages of preferring Harry (Billy Crystal) to Sally (Meg Ryan) or vice versa. Harry is painted as a pessimist, but in my more cynical moments I view him as a realist — more grounded than Sally’s sunny idealism. It’s those moments that I think I’m more like Harry than Sally. Other times, I realize how much I’m like Sally and it kind of makes me sad because I’m like her in all those ways she sees as flaws. “I’m too structured, I’m completely closed off.” “But in a good way.” (I also get cold when it’s 71 degrees out.) (Also I had the same “I’m gonna be 40” breakdown when I was 32 that Sally has here, but now that I just turned 40 it doesn’t feel like as big a deal.) (I also can’t decide if I’m Low Maintenance or if I’m High Maintenance but think I’m Low Maintenance — “the worst kind” — like Sally. I have actual anxiety sessions over this. Which probably means the latter.) Then again, I also don’t think we need to express every feeling that we have every moment that we have them, and I refuse to believe I’m wrong about that. “There are times and places for things.” (I have to say I’m with “Sheldon the Wonder Schlong” on the Days of the Week underpants, though. I guarantee I’ve seen Sunday before.)

That back and forth, though, the fully developed strengths and weaknesses of both Harry and Sally, are what make the film so fantastic. These are people who are neither always right nor always wrong. They have believable, reasoned arguments about actual issues. They genuinely like and care for one another. Their love doesn’t grow overnight but over the course of years, and when they almost break off their friendship over the conflict that comes between them, it’s a true, heartfelt conflict, not a manufactured one. (Although, Harry is wrong. He is the dog in his scenario.) There’s not an easy way around or through it. It raises the stakes significantly, because it’s not silly or frivolous and Harry might actually lose her forever. No wonder he shows up at the party New Year’s Eve. “It’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

I love Harry and Sally, but Jess (Bruno Kirby) and Marie (Carrie Fisher) are better. (“You’re right, you’re right. I know you’re right.”) I honest-to-God own a pair of red suede pumps for the sole reason that, when Marie is attracted to Jess and wants to hook up with him instead of spending another minute paired up with Harry on their double date, she pulls Sally over to a store window with the ridiculous claim, “I’ve been looking for a red suede pump.” It’s the most out-of-left-field thing I think I’ve ever heard, and I love it for exactly that reason. Why WOULDN’T I want a red suede pump at that point? Of course, the saddest thing I’ve ever heard is that Jess broke his promise to Marie that she’d never have to be out there again, because Bruno Kirby passed away in 2006, and I just hope Marie is getting by okay.

That’s the thing about When Harry Met Sally…. You get invested in these people and their relationships. They feel like friends, like people you know. It’s not just moments, like faking an orgasm in a deli, or singing “Surrey with a Fringe On Top” in front of Ira, or the pointless, overblown debate about whether or not men and women can be friends (which, hello, THE MOVIE DEBUNKS BY VIRTUE OF HARRY AND SALLY BEING FRIENDS SO PLEASE SHUT UP ABOUT IT ALREADY). It’s about the story of a relationship, and it’s completely perfect.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Sleepless in Seattle

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 181  Days to go: 126

Movie #257:  Sleepless in Seattle

Nora Ephron could really pace a movie. Sleepless in Seattle comes in under two hours — one hour, forty-five minutes, to be exact — and yet it is as rich and as full a film as you could hope for. The lives of Sam (Tom Hanks) and his son Jonah (Ross Malinger) are just as lovingly developed as that of Annie (Meg Ryan), on the other side of the country. There aren’t thinly drawn characters, and there isn’t a haphazardly thrown together plot. No, it’s just that Ephron knew how to make a scene count, knew how to impart valuable character insights as efficiently as possible, and, basically, knew how to tell a great story.

Sleepless in Seattle is one of the great romantic comedies of the late twentieth century, it’s true, but that’s only partly because of the love story. The chemistry between Hanks and Ryan is palpable, even when they aren’t in any scenes together at all, which is why they starred in so many movies together. You feel the magical connection when Annie is listening to Sam on the radio. You feel Sam’s heart catch in his throat when he sees her in the airport and on the street. You become invested in these characters. But more than just the two of them, you care about and are invested in the people around them as well.

The friendship between Annie and Becky (Rosie O’Donnell) is as sincere and authentic a portrayal of female friendship as can be. They gossip together, they confide in each other, they poke fun but only with love, and they support each other without judgment. They are true and dear friends who share interests and feelings and desires, and it comes across that they’ve been friends for a long time and that they understand each other. That’s the kind of friendship that transcends romantic relationships, and it’s just portrayed so beautifully here.

Moreover, Sam’s sister Suzy (Rita Wilson) is a sheer and utter delight. Even though she only has one big scene, in describing the plot for An Affair to Remember, she makes such an impact. She’s silly and emotional and lovely and so very like so many friends I know who talk about their favorite love stories that way. Plus she takes the good-natured ribbing of Sam and her husband Greg (Victor Garber) with aplomb, so you just know she’s delightful to be around. How Rita Wilson didn’t star in a dozen blockbuster romantic comedies on her own is a complete mystery to me.

Another small matter that Sleepless in Seattle wins big with is the treatment of the children. Jonah, Sam’s son, is eight. He has a best friend named Jessica (Gaby Hoffman), and the two of them spend a lot of time together. In a way that is completely believable and true for their age, Jonah parrots a lot of what Jessica says, because she is far more knowledgeable about things like destiny and reincarnation and airlines, plus she has her own coded language. And Jonah is demanding and tactless and naive in all the ways young boys tend to be. Again, they aren’t featured a whole lot (Jessica far less than Jonah, of course), but the scenes they are in are hugely telling and insightful and not once do they seem forced the way a lot of child actors sometimes do.

The biggest success, however, is with Annie’s fiancé Walter (Bill Pullman), who is a lovely, if boring, man, who is never once painted as a brute or a flake or a bad match at all. On the contrary, he and Annie are very much alike, and they very much like each other. They have similar tastes and are incredibly compatible, but there just isn’t a spark between them. It’s really kind of a beautiful sentiment, in its way, that sometimes everything can look right on paper and there’s no reason in the world why it shouldn’t work, except that it just feels wrong. And Annie bears no ill-will against Walter. She has no desire to hurt him or mislead him. Indeed, she thinks he’s a great man. But she doesn’t feel magic with him. And he doesn’t want to be the guy someone settles for. It’s a sad ending for them, yes, but a completely believable and respectful one, and one that is ultimately for the best for both of them. (The movie does this to a lesser extent as well with the woman Sam briefly dates, but it’s Annie’s relationship with Walter that’s really examined in this way.) It was truly refreshing for a romantic comedy at this time to acknowledge that the person you’re with doesn’t have to be a villain to be the wrong person for you, and it’s a lesson that’s stuck with me through the years.

It’s really a great little film, with fully realized characters and a fully formed plot that is funny and charming and sweet in all the right places, with a touch of sadness to make it feel real. And it does all of that in a densely packed 105 minutes. That Nora Ephron sure could pace a movie.