MY MOVIE SHELF: Scream 2

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 196  Days to go: 138

Movie #242:  Scream 2

“There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to create a successful sequel. Number one: the body count is always bigger. Number two: the death scenes are always much more elaborate – more blood, more gore – carnage candy. And number three: never, ever, under any circumstances, assume the killer is dead.”

That was Randy (Jamie Kennedy), back again as our horror movie aficionado, describing the ways in which Scream 2 will be harder-better-faster-stronger than the original. It’s a sequel, see, and sequels have rules too. But once again, while the Scream films abide by the rules, they also uproot them.

It’s two years since the Woodsboro killing spree of Billy and Stu, and our intrepid reporter Gale Weathers (Courteney Cox) has written a book that’s been turned into a movie called Stab, with Tori Spelling playing Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell), just like Sidney sarcastically predicted in Scream. In an ever-growing attempt to change the boundaries of the horror genre, the movie starts with cameos by Jada Pinkett Smith (pre-Smith) and Omar Epps as Maureen and Phil, Windsor College students out for the night with free passes to an advanced screening of Stab. They simultaneously mock and thwart the lack of African-American representation in horror flicks, only to get brutally murdered in the movie theater (in which Heather Graham is like a naked Rollergirl — she will always be Rollergirl — version of Drew Barrymore’s Casey). (Luke Wilson, it is revealed later, is the movie’s Billy. He has laughably exaggerated bangs in an attempt to mock good old Skeet.) Instantly, the movie tells you the volume has been turned up, and it’s not backing off.

Our next victim comes in the form of Cici (Sarah Michelle Gellar), another random cameo part given to a big named star for the sole purpose of dying a gruesome death. Sequels really are something.

We also have Jerry O’Connell as Sidney’s new boyfriend Derek, because apparently Sidney hasn’t considered lesbianism yet, Timothy Olyphant as another movie guy named Mickey, Elise Neil as Sidney’s roommate Hallie , Duane Martin as Gale’s new cameraman Joel who did not read her book before he took this job, Laurie Metcalf as small town reporter Debbie Salt, Rebecca Gayheart and baby Portia de Rossi as ditzy sorority girls, and even Joshua Jackson shows up pre-Dawson’s Creek. And returning for another time around are Cotton Weary (Liev Schreiber) looking for a little fame and fortune to make up for being falsely accused and convicted of murder — how about that Diane Sawyer interview, Sidney? “Consider it done.” — and Deputy Dewey (David Arquette) rescued from the edge of death in the last film but with significant loss of movement due to nerve damage from his injuries.

Just as Randy says, the deaths are bigger and grosser and there are lots more of them. The scope is more epic, the motives more elaborate and yet more simple. It actually does a really great job of employing the creative mythos of Scream and turning it up to 11. I wouldn’t say it’s better than the original, but it’s quite good. Maybe it’s really more of the second installment of a trilogy ….

MY MOVIE SHELF: Big Trouble

This is the deal: I own around 350 movies on DVD and Blu-ray. Through June 10, 2015, I will be watching and writing about them all, in the order they are arranged on my shelf (i.e., alphabetically, with certain exceptions). No movie will be left unwatched . I welcome your comments, your words of encouragement and your declarations of my insanity.

Movie #31: Big Trouble

Big Trouble is the absolute funniest movie no one has ever seen.

Originally slated for release on September 21, 2001, the movie (which features hitmen smuggling rifles in golf bags onto cross-country flights, comically lax airport security, and two idiotic thugs who buy their way onto a plane travelling to the Bahamas carrying no identification, a veritable cannon of a handgun, two hostages and a nuclear weapon in a suitcase) was understandably delayed after the 9/11 attacks and came out to absolutely no fanfare on April 5 of the following year. You can’t begrudge the studio, really. There was no other option at the time. But the film is unbelievably hilarious, and I really wish more people had seen it.

Based on the novel by humorist Dave Barry, it centers around an unlikable man named Arthur Herk and the seven or so pairs of people who converge at and around his Miami house over the course of a couple days. The plot is tight and seamless, wasting no time whatsoever (it clocks in at 85 minutes) in telling its very silly story. Not wanting to just recite the plot, however, or give away the many great jokes, I’ll instead focus on the numerous relevant characters.

Tim Allen plays Eliot Arnold, the Dave Barry stand-in. He’s a former humorist at the Miami Herald, recently divorced and trying to make it as an independent ad man. He lives in a crappy apartment, drives a Geo, and his son Matt thinks he’s a loser.  He’s also the protagonist, narrator and hero. He finds himself thrown together with Herk’s wife Anna on several occasions as Matt tries to tag Anna’s daughter Jenny with a squirt gun for a school game.

Rene Russo is Anna Herk. Formerly divorced herself, she stays with Arthur out of fear of losing the financial security he provides. The first time she meets Matt, she’s jumping onto his back to protect Jenny from his (squirt) gun attack. She finds Eliot incredibly handsome and charming.

Ben Foster and Zooey Deschanel are Matt and Jenny. Ben is the perfect snot-nosed teen and Zooey, especially, is tops as a dry witty girl with that signature sarcastic monotone. They frequently interact with Matt’s friend Andrew, played by DJ Qualls, who is mostly inconsequential but who has some great lines and who I mention because I love DJ Qualls.

Stanley Tucci is Arthur Herk. He works for a mob-run construction company, has stolen money from them, and has a hit put out on him because of it. He’s abrasive and rude, tries to intimidate his maid into having an affair of sorts with him, and he’s got a crazy foot fetish. He’s also fixated with television and Martha Stewart.

Dennis Farina and Jack Kehler play hitmen Henry and Leonard. They’re from New York, where hitmen know how to be hitmen, and they hate Miami. They have no use or patience for muggers, Gator fans or cigar-smoking assholes.

Janeane Garofalo and Patrick Warburton are Miami police officers Romero and Kramitz. Romero is no-nonsense. Kramitz is a little-nonsense.

Tom Sizemore and Johnny Knoxville are greasy, dirty, idiot petty criminals Snake and Eddie. They are beyond stupid, and Snake is a bit mean. Slighted early on in the movie, they return to bring about all the events leading directly to the climax.

Jason Lee and Sofia Vergara are Puggy and Nina. Puggy is a homeless drifter who looks like Jesus. He has a gentle soul and is insanely strong. He loves Fritos and Nina. Nina is the Herks’ maid. She is loyal and kind to Anna and Jenny, but she’s constantly fleeing Arthur and his foot fetish. Nina loves Puggy at first sight (when she briefly mistakes him for Jesus).

Heavy D and Omar Epps are FBI agents after the bomb in the suitcase. (It looks like a garbage disposal.) They act almost exclusively under Executive Order 768-4, which apparently gives them the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

Andy Richter plays twins who both work as security guards, one at the Bayside mall and one at the airport. He maybe abuses his power a little.

And that about does it. If that ensemble doesn’t tickle your funny bone with the promise of comedy that is both intelligent and absurd, then nothing will. It’s a very funny movie, and it is definitely worth your time.