MY MOVIE SHELF: Charlotte’s Web

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order, by June 10, 2015. Remaining movies: 320 (for now, I keep buying more)    Days to go: 311

Movie #50: Charlotte’s Web

There are animated movies that I own for my children and ones that I own almost entirely for myself. Charlotte’s Web is, sadly, in the latter category. I mean, my children will watch it with me, as they did today, but they don’t love it like I do (well, the jury’s still out on the toddler — there’s hope for her yet). Like every other girl my age, I owned this book when I was about seven. I read it and loved it. (I didn’t cry, though; I’m tough. The first book to make me cry was Where the Red Fern Grows.) I watched this animated musical (one of the few non-Disney films of its kind) many, many times. So I own it almost as much for nostalgia as for enjoyment.

Featuring the voices of Debbie Reynolds, Paul Lynde and, shockingly, Danny Bonaduce (among others), it’s the tale of a girl who grows up on a farm and yet has no idea pigs are slaughtered or sold for slaughter, runts or no. She begs to keep the runty spring pig as a pet, but then cares for him so well her father sends him off to her uncle’s farm anyway (where he will eventually be slaughtered, because that’s the only thing that happens to pigs on farms). The pig is very distraught by this news, however, and begs all the other talking animals in the barn for their friendship and assistance. Both are offered by Charlotte the door jamb spider, who proceeds to write words in her web describing the pig as “some,” “terrific,” “radiant” and “humble.” Mrs. Zuckerman (the farmer’s wife) is the only one to notice this perhaps means the spider is far more exceptional than the pig, and so the pig eventually earns the right to live the rest of his natural life. There is also a snotty rat and a goose who believes in the power of perseverance and hard work but can’t be bothered with proper spelling. The spider, however, dies, because spiders have relatively short life spans, but her memory lives on in the (sure to be short) lives of her five-hundred-something children, three of which are too small to leave the barn’s door jamb so the pig befriends them, names them, and is presumably going to teach them all about their wonderful mother. The end.

I’m being facetious, of course. It’s really a lovely children’s story, in case you somehow didn’t know that, despite being a living person in possession of an internet connection. It teaches optimism and perseverance. It promotes making a plan and working toward a solution whenever presented with a problem. It speaks to the power of friendship and loyalty, of always sticking by the ones you love. And it doesn’t shy away from the realities of life and death (even if it does refuse to acknowledge the general purpose of farm animals). Even the girl Fern (original benefactor of Wilbur the pig) is allowed to grow and mature into puberty — the way life should be. (Why she manages to go from naive little farm girl who doesn’t know what happens on farms to knowing young woman with her eye on Henry Fussy in the span of a few months is beyond me, but I only just figured out today that Fern probably shouldn’t be able to understand the talking animals’ names and conversations, so whatever.)

It also has some great songs, though I confess they don’t really come until the end. I was surprised, in fact, how many songs are actually in it, considering the only two I know are “A Fair is a Veritable Smorgasborg-orgasborg-orgasborg” and “Zuckerman’s Famous Pig.” But I defy you to even think about the latter without singing “Fine swine, wish he was mine — what if he’s not so big?” for the rest of the day.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Bye Bye Birdie

This is the deal: I own around 350 movies on DVD and Blu-ray. Through June 10, 2015, I will be watching and writing about them all, in the order they are arranged on my shelf (i.e., alphabetically, with certain exceptions). No movie will be left unwatched . I welcome your comments, your words of encouragement and your declarations of my insanity.

Movie #43: Bye Bye Birdie

I’m not really sure why I own this movie, except that I saw it when I was in high school and have had “We Love You, Conrad” in my head ever since.

Actually, as far as cultural impact goes, this movie has probably had more than people realize. “Put on a Happy Face,” which Albert (Dick Van Dyke) sings to Rosie (Janet Leigh) is considered a standard (even Tony Bennett has recorded it). Bye Bye Birdie also made Ann-Margret a huge star, and her iconic opening number has been referenced in several movies since, plus was the inspiration for an entire ad campaign during an episode of Mad Men.

Set in 1958 and released in 1963 — a year before The Beatles really turned the world of fangirls upside-down — Bye Bye Birdie satirizes the media events surrounding Elvis Presley being drafted into the army in 1957 and giving one lucky woman “one last kiss.” In the movie, the Elvis surrogate is one Conrad Birdie (Jesse Pearson) and the randomly selected lucky girl is Ann-Margret’s character Kim McAfee, from Sweet Apple, Ohio, which I’m pretty sure is not an actual place. (In the movie, when Ed Sullivan — the real guy, appearing as himself — is approached with this idea to have Conrad kiss one lucky girl, he insists she should be from Ohio, which is hilarious to me. I’m pretty sure Ohio has had this exact reputation in Hollywood since 1958; it’s never changed.)

The movie proceeds to mock just about everything, from teenagers to heartthrobs to mothers, to women in general, actually. There’s not a whole lot to recommend it from a modern feminist perspective, though it is something that, like Mad Men, can be used as a gauge for how much things have changed in 50 years, and how much they’ve remained very much the same.

One thing that’s definitely not changed is how older generations have viewed younger generations, since the beginning of time. The pundits who look down on the youth of today are the same kids being satirized in 1963, as are their current views, sung by the two disapproving parents in the movie, Paul Lynde and Maureen Stapleton as Kim’s father and Albert’s mother, in the song “Kids.” Sample lines: “Why can’t they be like we were, perfect in every way? What’s the matter with kids today?” That’s a theme that just never goes out of style.

So maybe Bye Bye Birdie isn’t an important film, maybe it’s an outdated film, but it’s still a pretty fun film, and it’s got great music. Except maybe “We Love You, Conrad,” which thanks to this project will now be in my head for the next twenty years. (I’m kidding, it never left.)