MY MOVIE SHELF: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 224  Days to go: 225

Movie #153:  Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is a very dumb, very silly movie, but by the time it came out I was really too far down the Kevin Smith rabbit hole to put up much resistance. That being said, however, it’s a pretty funny silly movie. It has about a million silly cameos, references all the previous Kevin Smith films (and quite a few other films too), and even makes fun of itself in silly meta ways. So if you’re in the mood for dumb comedy (and if you’ve sat through Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy and Dogma by this time, you must be), you could do worse.

The premise is dumb, the schtick of Silent Bob (Smith) not saying anything is played out (but called out, so maybe it’s not quite the infraction it could be), and it actually references bloggers as people who live in their parents’ basements wearing bathrobes, like who knew Kevin Smith and Aaron Sorkin had so much in common, but it’s a fun send-up all the same. In addition to Smith and Jason Mewes (as Jay), Dante (Brian O’Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson) are back. Ben Affleck is back as Holden McNeil (from Chasing Amy) AND himself. Jason Lee is there as Banky (from Chasing Amy) AND Brodie (from Mallrats). Mark Hamill is the Cockknocker. Will Ferrell is a Federal Wildlife Marshall and Chris Rock is a militant director (while Gus Van Sant is an apathetic one, counting his money). Shannon Elizabeth, Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter and Kevin Smith’s wife are sexy jewel thieves. Judd Nelson gets called out as a badass in Chasing Amy, so he’s here as a sheriff. James Van der Beek and Jason Biggs play the movie versions of Jay and Silent Bob, while Shannen Doherty shows up in a Scream sequel (as the characters of Jay and Silent Bob actually cameoed in Scream 3). Even Alanis Morissette shows up in the epilogue as God (from Dogma). And Joey Lauren Adams is back in a cameo as Alyssa Jones.

Basically it feels like Kevin Smith just got this great opportunity to have a lot of fun with his friends, which is great for him and all, but how many inside joke vanity projects does one guy get off the back of one successful indie movie from 1994? At least five, apparently.

There are some great things that came out of Jay and Silent Bob Strike back, though: 1. Afroman’s “Because I Got High,” which is just a fun song. 2. “Bad Medicine” being used in a movie to introduce the hot chick, as it always should have been. 3. A performance by Morris Day and the Time. And 4. Boo-boo Kitty Fuck being used as a term of endearment. (Your mileage may vary on that last one.)

MY MOVIE SHELF: Clerks II

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order, by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 310  Days to go: 298

Movie #63: Clerks II

Clerks II is not a movie I ever would’ve bought for myself, but it still makes me laugh a ton. Jay and Silent Bob (Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith) are up to their old familiar tricks, Randal (Jeff Anderson) is still a total dick and completely inappropriate at all times, and Dante (Brian O’Halloran) is still a douche who somehow has another two beautiful women in love with him. (Much like Randal, I don’t understand the allure — not because he’s a “hideous fucking C.H.U.D.,” but because he’s an idiot.)

This time he’s engaged to be married and is about to move away with his fiancée to Florida, but he recently screwed around with his boss, Becky (Rosario Dawson), and is clearly in love with her. Personally, I don’t think he deserves any of these women (from either movie), but Becky is especially far out of his league, as she is beautiful and charming and smart and independent and funny and sexy and all-around awesome. So, kind of exactly like I imagine Rosario Dawson is in reality.

Honestly, though, the movie was pretty unsuccessful, and it’s not hard to see why. At 22 years old, Randal and Dante are not motivated or particularly ambitious young men, working at the Quick Stop, but at 33 working at Mooby’s (which also shows up in Dogma) they are downright sad. They have no prospects and no real hope for the future and only through the benefit of a Deus ex Machina are they able to pull it together and make themselves responsible adults by the end. Until that point, though, the profane arguments in front of customers and basically everything Randall does in general (online trolling, torturing their 19-year-old coworker, ordering a donkey show) is painfully, pathetically immature and can be hard to watch.

Not that “hard to watch” means “unfunny,” though, because like I said, it makes me laugh quite a lot. Jay doing the whole Buffalo Bill dancing scene from Silence of the Lambs is a riot, and as someone who despises everything about The Lord of the Rings, I could watch Randal mock it all day. I also love a good dance break.

Clerks II will never (and could never) live up to the magic of Clerks, and often reeks of something Kevin Smith just did to give his buddies a fun little job to do (much like Ocean’s 12 was for George Clooney and co.). But for someone who has a deep fondness for these characters and this universe, it’s a fun way to revisit them and see how they’ve progressed. Let’s hope the announced Clerks III brings things around to end the saga on a better note (much like Ocean’s 13 did for Clooney and co.).

MY MOVIE SHELF: Clerks.

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order, by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 311  Days to go: 298

Movie #62: Clerks.

“I’m not even supposed to be here today!” Such is the much-repeated lament of poor Dante (Brian O’Halloran), the clerk at the local Quick Stop. Dante closed the night before, you see, but the person who was supposed to open called off and although the boss promised to be in by noon, in fact he was vacationing in Vermont. But he knew Dante would step up to the plate, because despite the meaningless, mind-numbingly annoying work, Dante takes it seriously. Well, sort of.

For anyone who has ever worked in this sort of minimum wage, constant-contact-with-the-public retail position, Clerks feels very familiar. The stupid questions, the petty arguments, the bizarre requests — they all happen on a fairly frequent basis. And yes, there are people who hang out there all day. And yes, there are days when the workers resent every single person who comes in the door. Not all days, mind you, but some.

That’s why Kevin Smith’s first feature was such a sensation. It felt real, in a sense. It was clearly gritty and unpolished — no one would mistake these actors for seasoned professionals — and that all lent itself, along with the black and white photography, to a sort of authentic feel, almost like a documentary in that way. This is what really goes on, Smith was saying, but he said other things as well. The counterbalance to Clerks‘s gritty authenticity are its rapid-fire, articulated arguments that would become a Kevin Smith trademark. Every word, every statement, is too thought-out, too slick, too rehearsed. While the jokes and the quips are all super funny, they are delivered in such a barrage, hardly allowing a single breath in between, that they only amplify the inexperience of all involved.

Not that this is a bad thing. I would argue that its amateurishness is part of its substantial charm. I mean, clearly, Kevin Smith is a man with a lot of theories about things — from Return of the Jedi to the infidelity rate of most “fine-looking women” — and Clerks is almost entirely, above all else, an opportunity for him to voice his theories in a public forum. And we all loved them! At least, I did, and all my friends did as well. There wasn’t a single person in my peer groups who didn’t expand on the Empire vs. Jedi argument, or consider the lives of the independent contractors who perished in the destruction of the second Death Star. Every single one of us knew all the words to both the crazy Russian “Berserker” song and Jay’s (Jason Mewes) “Smoking Weed” one. And everybody gets the reference when I say (often), “Bunch of savages in this town.” Clerks was a communal experience, and even though most of my friends probably haven’t watched it in years, it wouldn’t take but a small reference to bring it all back.

Of course, for anyone who watches a lot of Smiths’ filmography, there are many payoffs in characters and off-hand remarks that show up in other movies. Alyssa Jones, from Chasing Amy, is mentioned here, as are several of the people/events she talks about in her movie, and the death of Julie Dwyer is a semi-major plot point in the upcoming Mallrats, to name just two. There are whole sites dedicated to the View Askewiverse, as it is known (Smith’s production company is View Askew), and the overlaps between films are numerous and varied.

All that said, I always found Dante to be a bit of a douche. I mean, he whines constantly, freaks out at his girlfriend Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) for having gone down on more men than she’s “had sex” with, even though he’s going behind her back talking to (and hoping to reunite with) his ex-girlfriend, and even though he puts on a face of responsibility with regard to his job, he slacks off at least as much as Randal (Jeff Anderson) does.

Also, Randal is the best and all pale in comparison to him. I mean, Randal’s actually a total dick but at least he owns it. (“I don’t appreciate your ruse, ma’am.”)