MY MOVIE SHELF: Ocean’s Thirteen

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 178  Days to go: 181

Movie #199:  Ocean’s Thirteen

It drives my husband crazy that I own Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Thirteen but not Ocean’s Twelve, but the only reason I own Ocean’s Thirteen is to get the horrible taste of Ocean’s Twelve out of my mouth and do the best I can to forget it ever existed. That’s the God’s honest truth.

In this one, the crew is once again scattered to the four winds, but they return to Vegas when Reuben (Elliott Gould) is double-crossed out of ownership of a brand new, hot casino on the strip by hotel mogul Willy Bank (Al Pacino, only slightly less a mockery of himself than he was in Godfather III). Bank is a ruthless businessman and an egomaniac. He prides himself on having the hottest, best hotels in all the land, on getting the 5-Diamond award for each one, and for buying an exquisite diamond necklace — which are all in a tower display in his suite — each time he gets that praise. And of course, he’s obsessed with money and power. In order to avenge Reuben, Danny (George Clooney) and his crew — Rusty (Brad Pitt), Basher (Don Cheadle), Virgil (Casey Affleck), Turk (Scott Caan), Yen (Shaobo Qin), Frank (Bernie Mac), Livingston (Eddie Jemison), Saul (Carl Reiner) and Linus (Matt Damon) — work out a way to strip Bank of all of that.

This movie is structured differently than the first, in that it’s more upfront about the cons. It doesn’t try to hide the plan from the audience, as much as reveal step by step how they’re going to dismantle Bank’s casino on opening night by having it pay out millions to everyone on the floor. In addition, since status and reputation are so important to Bank, they have Saul act as the hotel’s reviewer so Bank and his assistant Abigail Sponder (Ellen Barkin) are inclined to give him special treatment, while Danny’s crew secretly sabotage the real reviewer’s stay. (Poor David Paymer, who plays the real reviewer, gets no love his entire stay, but he does win big at the airport on his way home, so that’s something.)

Unfortunately, the team hits a financial snag and have to go through their old nemesis Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia, much more put together and less gross than he was in Godfather III) — a plot line that has a lot to do with what happened in Ocean’s Twelve, but let’s forget that ever happened — in order to bankroll this elaborate con. Terry has a condition: he wants Banks’s diamonds as well. Too bad they’re impossible to get.

There are still a few things Ocean’s Thirteen holds off on revealing, the con is pretty satisfying, and Matt Damon wears a ridiculous nose as part of his role in seducing Ms. Ponder (She’s a “cougar.” He read about the term in Maxim magazine.), so overall the film works for me. At least, it works a hell of a lot better than Ocean’s Twelve did.

MY MOVIE SHELF: Ocean’s Eleven

The Task: Watch and write about every movie on my shelf, in order (Blu-rays are sorted after DVDs), by June 10, 2015.  Remaining movies: 179  Days to go: 181

Movie #198:  Ocean’s Eleven

Do you remember how fantastic and surprising Ocean’s Eleven was when it came out? I do. It was charming and slick and utterly unexpected. It took an old Rat Pack movie so boring and dull nobody even remembered it anymore and made it a bright, memorable, amazing heist film that is still as great today as it was then.

George Clooney is Danny Ocean, a thief getting paroled from prison and, despite his claims to the parole board, immediately on the lookout for his next big score. He contacts a former cohort and current blackjack dealer — Frank Catton, posing as Ramon since his real identity won’t get him past the gaming commission, played by the late great Bernie Mac — and finds out his partner in crime Rusty (Brad Pitt) is out in L.A. So off he goes.

Rusty is teaching poker to young celebrities (Topher Grace, Joshua Jackson, Shane West, Holly Marie Combs, and Barry Watson), which looks like its boring him to tears. When Danny shows up, the two have a little fun with the group, fleece them of several thousand dollars, and set out to learn the job, which is this: Danny has a plan to rob the Las Vegas casinos, The Bellagio, the Mirage and the MGM Grand. The score is upwards of $150million, but that’s not all. Danny’s ex-wife Tess (Julia Roberts) is dating Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) now, the owner of these three particular casinos, and Danny hopes to get her back while hitting him where it hurts. To do it, he needs a crew.

Reuben (Elliott Gould) is the money. He has a history of owning Las Vegas casinos himself and knows the risk, however he has a grudge against Benedict himself, so he’s in. The first time I saw his gaudy shorts and robe outfit the first time he’s on screen, I laughed so hard I completely missed their entire conversation.

Frank comes out from Atlantic City and gets a job inside the casino. He’s the inside man. “You might as well call it White Jack!” He also has a serious interest in moisturizing techniques.

Casey Affleck and Scott Caan are the Malloy brothers, Virgil and Turk. I forget the cool heist nickname they have, but their competitive chemistry together is spectacular. They bicker and bait each other, both for fun and for profit, but Turk’s laugh when he runs over Virgil’s remote control monster truck (with Turk’s life-sized monster truck), is the best thing in the film.

Eddie Jemison is Livingston Dell, the technology guy. He’s nervous and he sweats a lot. This proves dangerous later.

Shaobo Qin is Yen, a Cirque de Soleil performer who is crazy flexible and acrobatic to an almost frightening degree. He’s the grease man. I’m not sure why they call him that.

The fabulous Carl Reiner is Saul Bloom. He got out of the game a year earlier because of ulcers, but came back in because of the score. He is maybe not in the best of health. Will it harm the team?

Matt Damon is expert lifter Linus Caldwell, who mostly gets treated like a kid and pretty much resents the hell out of it. After all, these guys have rap sheets longer than his … they’re very long.

Finally, my boyfriend Don Cheadle is Basher, the munitions guy. He has a cockney accent and crawls around in the sewers on occasion, but he’s really good in (and with) a pinch.

Ocean’s Eleven is set up as the perfect heist movie, giving away part of the plan, letting more of it play out as it happens, and leaving some hidden even then, only revealing their secrets after the boost is successfully completed. It works flawlessly this way, offering obstacles and red herrings and misdirections to the audience to keep them not entirely sure of how this is going to play out or if it’ll even be successful. And in the end, the con is extremely satisfying.

Be careful what you say, though, because in Terry Benedict’s hotels, “someone is always watching.”